Dyslexics For Obama 08'

This this is no laughing matter. We have to bring the man that did this to poor Ashley (from my hometown College Station) to justice!

Here is a description of the man we are looking for:

Race: Black

Sex: Male

Height: 13' 1"

Weight: 450 lbs

Handy with a knife, possibly a skilled carver. Abnormally large, and strong enough to hold down a 200 lb woman and carefully do his work with the blade. He probably has at least $60 on him because that is what was "stolen" from Ashley...OH MY GOD!...I FOUND HIM...



One last thing...the stupid motherfucker has to be dyslexic! Do you think the "B" stands for Backwards or Bullshit?


UPDATE: To those that busted my balls for stating the obvious, fuck you!

To Ashley Todd: You may be charged with reporting a false crime, but at least you got to talk to both McCain and Palin on the phone. And, I'm certain you earned a spot on Keith Olbermann's Worst Persons tonight. You're parents must be so proud!

To McCain & Palin: I'm just curious. Do you plan on calling Ashley back? It's nice to know that I'm not the only one from College Station making you guys look like asses!

My Ears Are Bleeding

For the love of all that is good in this country, please Senator McCain, I beg you, lock her in a closet until it's time for the concession speech.

Is God Just Fuckin With Me?

I woke up this morning to a surprise that made me burn my tongue on coffee and clintch my chest, but in a good way. My local newspaper, "The Eagle", better known as "The Buzzard", for the first time in its history, endorsed a democrat. A black democrat at that.

Why is this such a god damn miricle? Well, let me give you a little background on the town that I love, but love to hate it's politics. College Station is an awesome place to live. It's got a little something for everyone. It is a college town, so if you're young and single, look no further. But, it's also a great place to raise a family. The schools are excellent, and the people of the community are wonderful. If you're ready to retire, and you have a little money, College Station has some great areas to settle down in. Unfortunately, it's also the home of the George Bush Presidential Library...which was built on top of an old hog farm. When I was a kid we used to hold our noses when we drove by...that is still very amusing to me. Okay, off subject. Although College Station is a great place to live for all age groups, for many years I thought that besides a few family members, I was the only liberal for miles around. Barack Obama's long arm of Hope actually reached all the way to little ol College Station, Texas. The place where a local restaurant on campus sold t-shirts in 2004that displayed an elephant in a Bush shirt butt-fucking a donkey in a Kerry shirt...which doesn't really make sense considering most eveyone here thinks they'll get AIDS if they shake hands with a homosexual.

So I find this crazy news out, pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming, and call my neighbor who supports Obama, and say, "hey, did you hear this shit?" And he say, "I know, Colin Powell's endorsement, awesome, right?" Huh? Looks like I picked the worst Sunday all month to sleep in and miss "Meet The Press".

So I jump online to see what other fun stuff I missed during the Sunday morning talk, and I stumble across MSNBC's Chuck Todd, number guru, fuckin with his 3D map and analyzing the data. McCain has all but conceded the popular vote? Goddammit, my tongue has fucking third degree burns now!

The "L" word is being thrown around quite a bit now, even by conservatives, and with little regard for the fact that there are still more than 2 weeks to go. The McCain camp has all but called Obama a nigger, muslim, gay, terrorist, who preforms abortions, and bites the heads off baby kitties in his spare time. Okay, they haven't actually said that specifically, but they have stoked the fire of hate and many of his supporters are saying that, pretty damn specifically. Despite all that, Obama is pouring money into North and South Dakota, Montana, West Virginia, and now even Georgia and Kentucky. What?

So I switch gears from politics to sports, and watch my Dallas Cowboys get their asses kicked by the St Louis Rams...OH MY GOD!...yesterday Obama had rallys in Kansas City and St Louis where more that 175,000 people showed up. Holy shit, Barack Obama beat the Dallas Cowboys...and their entire roster is voting for him in Nevanda! I've died and gone to heaven.

Later in the afternoon, I turn on CNN and I hear a staggering statistic. In the month of September, a black democrat running for president of the United States raised $150 million and had 632,000 new donors. $150 million in one goddamn month...a month that has only 30 days?

Is this really going to happen...or is God just fuckin with me?

Sometimes A Picture Says It All

This pretty much sums up the final debate...



...and McCain's entire run at the White House.

A Multiple Choice Question

You made your bed old man, now fucking lay in it! You have to almost feel sorry for the guy. But, then I'm reminded of who stoked the coals of this chaotic fire now burning out of control. John McCain and John McCain alone is responsible for the direction and tone of his campaign. Sure, he has about one thousand people in his ear all day every day, but at the end of that fucking day, it's Senator McCain who calls the shots. John McCain choose to empty the clip uncontrollably in the air, and now he's dodging the falling lead rainin on his pathetic comb-over. So, as painful as it is to watch that old bastard be in such an uncomfortable position, it a town hall setting, that he so repeatedly boasted about, I say, you deserve every bit of backlash that you are receiving, Senator McCain...and I hope it ultimately kills your chances at being president. You simply do not deserve the privilege.

I learned a little something this week. Something that I think I already knew, but just had not completely witnessed first hand yet. Liberal politics may be filled with weak punches, pussyish, if you will, but right-winged politics is just fucking evil. Now don't get me wrong. If you've read just a few paragraphs of my past blog entries, you know that I'm all about some dirty tactics to promote some good policy, but there is a line to be drawn, and it is clear that the right-wing of this country has no line.

Let me tell you who I do feel a little sorry for though. People who do actually know a little bit about politics and for whatever fucked up reason think that voting republican is the right thing to do. I'm not talking about "Joe Sixpack" or Psycho bag lady from the video, no, I'm talking about the poor fools that do pick up a newspaper once in a while and watch something other than Fox News and have made the unfortunate, yet independent decision to support McCain. I feel sorry for the dilemma that you SHOULD now be faced with. Do you:

A) Not vote

B) Vote third party

C) Vote for the decent man who you may not completely agree with, but has run his campaign with integrity

or

D) Turn a deaf ear, and vote for a man who has sold his soul to right-winged politics that doesn't give a shit about you, your family, or anyone else in this country

It's a very simple, multiple choice question. One where only one of the answers is completely wrong, two get partial credit, and one...well, one gets extra credit.

You know, Jon Stewart and the folks over at the Daily Show said that it is the "stupid vote" that will decide the election, but I think it's the average conservative voter who actually pays attention that will ultimately decide this election. I hope they make their country proud. They have a 75% chance of getting it right.

Pictures That Make The Liberal Armadillo Want To Punch A CEO In The Face

As the stock market continues to plummet, I'm temporarily calmed by the amusement of Lehman CEO, Richard Fuld, and his run in with a fellow gym member.







"The cost of my desire, sleep now in a fire."

John McCain's Town Hall Blunder in Nashville

So John McCain finally got his chance to shine in a town hall format debate against Barack Obama last night in "The Music City". Yeah, I said debate. If that's what you really want to call it. Hey, Johnny Mav, next time you want to whine and cry about not debating on your home turf, make sure you bring your A game when you do get the opportunity, not your D- game. Holy shit, if that was a peek at what an entire tour of town hall meetings across the country with you and Barack would be like, Texas might be a toss up right now.

McCain's performance was so awkward and pathetic, it isn't even worth dissecting. In fact, those two words sum it up completely. Awkward and Pathetic.

Look on the bright side, John, you get one more crack at it. Fuck it up, and "That One" just might turn the entire country blue.