Houston, We Have A Problem!

Let me see if I understand this. We can cast votes from space, but a lot of folks have to wait in line for 10 hours to vote early. Key word being, "early". What's it going to be like on election day?



How is this any different from a poll tax?



Here's an idea, if you've already voted. Go to the polls again and donate water and chairs to help everyone make it to the finish line.



Hang in there folks. Wait all night if necessary.



As important as we say our democracy is, and as much as we shove it down the throats of others, you'd think we would demand a better system. If there is one thing we can all agree on, it's that this whole system is fucked up. Why don't we have a nationalized system of voting? Why don't we have a paper trail in many places? What, did we say, man, that whole Florida thing in 2000 was hard, we had to recount those things for weeks. Let's make it so we don't have to do that again. Why don't we have same day voter registration? Why isn't election day a fucking national holiday?

Whoever the next president is, if they don't do anything else, fix this joke of a process we call democracy!

Up By 3 Touchdowns And Running Up The Score

So much for taking a knee. Obama's 30 minute ad was a brilliantly spent $4 million. At this point, it may not be who wins, but how close the winner will get to 400 electoral votes? And, will McCain lose his own state? While this ad was running last night, McCain and the RNC deployed robo calls in Arizona.

Bringing A Whole New Meaning To The Word, Filibuster

Ted Stevens responded today after being convicted on seven counts of federal corruption charges. This latest ReThuglican scandal brings the Democrats one step closer to the magic 60.



Who needs ethics reform when we have the Tossed-Salad Man?

Sarah Palin Gone Rogue

Is this what they mean when they say that Sarah Palin has gone rogue?

Dyslexics For Obama 08'

This this is no laughing matter. We have to bring the man that did this to poor Ashley (from my hometown College Station) to justice!

Here is a description of the man we are looking for:

Race: Black

Sex: Male

Height: 13' 1"

Weight: 450 lbs

Handy with a knife, possibly a skilled carver. Abnormally large, and strong enough to hold down a 200 lb woman and carefully do his work with the blade. He probably has at least $60 on him because that is what was "stolen" from Ashley...OH MY GOD!...I FOUND HIM...



One last thing...the stupid motherfucker has to be dyslexic! Do you think the "B" stands for Backwards or Bullshit?


UPDATE: To those that busted my balls for stating the obvious, fuck you!

To Ashley Todd: You may be charged with reporting a false crime, but at least you got to talk to both McCain and Palin on the phone. And, I'm certain you earned a spot on Keith Olbermann's Worst Persons tonight. You're parents must be so proud!

To McCain & Palin: I'm just curious. Do you plan on calling Ashley back? It's nice to know that I'm not the only one from College Station making you guys look like asses!

My Ears Are Bleeding

For the love of all that is good in this country, please Senator McCain, I beg you, lock her in a closet until it's time for the concession speech.

Is God Just Fuckin With Me?

I woke up this morning to a surprise that made me burn my tongue on coffee and clintch my chest, but in a good way. My local newspaper, "The Eagle", better known as "The Buzzard", for the first time in its history, endorsed a democrat. A black democrat at that.

Why is this such a god damn miricle? Well, let me give you a little background on the town that I love, but love to hate it's politics. College Station is an awesome place to live. It's got a little something for everyone. It is a college town, so if you're young and single, look no further. But, it's also a great place to raise a family. The schools are excellent, and the people of the community are wonderful. If you're ready to retire, and you have a little money, College Station has some great areas to settle down in. Unfortunately, it's also the home of the George Bush Presidential Library...which was built on top of an old hog farm. When I was a kid we used to hold our noses when we drove by...that is still very amusing to me. Okay, off subject. Although College Station is a great place to live for all age groups, for many years I thought that besides a few family members, I was the only liberal for miles around. Barack Obama's long arm of Hope actually reached all the way to little ol College Station, Texas. The place where a local restaurant on campus sold t-shirts in 2004that displayed an elephant in a Bush shirt butt-fucking a donkey in a Kerry shirt...which doesn't really make sense considering most eveyone here thinks they'll get AIDS if they shake hands with a homosexual.

So I find this crazy news out, pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming, and call my neighbor who supports Obama, and say, "hey, did you hear this shit?" And he say, "I know, Colin Powell's endorsement, awesome, right?" Huh? Looks like I picked the worst Sunday all month to sleep in and miss "Meet The Press".

So I jump online to see what other fun stuff I missed during the Sunday morning talk, and I stumble across MSNBC's Chuck Todd, number guru, fuckin with his 3D map and analyzing the data. McCain has all but conceded the popular vote? Goddammit, my tongue has fucking third degree burns now!

The "L" word is being thrown around quite a bit now, even by conservatives, and with little regard for the fact that there are still more than 2 weeks to go. The McCain camp has all but called Obama a nigger, muslim, gay, terrorist, who preforms abortions, and bites the heads off baby kitties in his spare time. Okay, they haven't actually said that specifically, but they have stoked the fire of hate and many of his supporters are saying that, pretty damn specifically. Despite all that, Obama is pouring money into North and South Dakota, Montana, West Virginia, and now even Georgia and Kentucky. What?

So I switch gears from politics to sports, and watch my Dallas Cowboys get their asses kicked by the St Louis Rams...OH MY GOD!...yesterday Obama had rallys in Kansas City and St Louis where more that 175,000 people showed up. Holy shit, Barack Obama beat the Dallas Cowboys...and their entire roster is voting for him in Nevanda! I've died and gone to heaven.

Later in the afternoon, I turn on CNN and I hear a staggering statistic. In the month of September, a black democrat running for president of the United States raised $150 million and had 632,000 new donors. $150 million in one goddamn month...a month that has only 30 days?

Is this really going to happen...or is God just fuckin with me?

Sometimes A Picture Says It All

This pretty much sums up the final debate...



...and McCain's entire run at the White House.

A Multiple Choice Question

You made your bed old man, now fucking lay in it! You have to almost feel sorry for the guy. But, then I'm reminded of who stoked the coals of this chaotic fire now burning out of control. John McCain and John McCain alone is responsible for the direction and tone of his campaign. Sure, he has about one thousand people in his ear all day every day, but at the end of that fucking day, it's Senator McCain who calls the shots. John McCain choose to empty the clip uncontrollably in the air, and now he's dodging the falling lead rainin on his pathetic comb-over. So, as painful as it is to watch that old bastard be in such an uncomfortable position, it a town hall setting, that he so repeatedly boasted about, I say, you deserve every bit of backlash that you are receiving, Senator McCain...and I hope it ultimately kills your chances at being president. You simply do not deserve the privilege.

I learned a little something this week. Something that I think I already knew, but just had not completely witnessed first hand yet. Liberal politics may be filled with weak punches, pussyish, if you will, but right-winged politics is just fucking evil. Now don't get me wrong. If you've read just a few paragraphs of my past blog entries, you know that I'm all about some dirty tactics to promote some good policy, but there is a line to be drawn, and it is clear that the right-wing of this country has no line.

Let me tell you who I do feel a little sorry for though. People who do actually know a little bit about politics and for whatever fucked up reason think that voting republican is the right thing to do. I'm not talking about "Joe Sixpack" or Psycho bag lady from the video, no, I'm talking about the poor fools that do pick up a newspaper once in a while and watch something other than Fox News and have made the unfortunate, yet independent decision to support McCain. I feel sorry for the dilemma that you SHOULD now be faced with. Do you:

A) Not vote

B) Vote third party

C) Vote for the decent man who you may not completely agree with, but has run his campaign with integrity

or

D) Turn a deaf ear, and vote for a man who has sold his soul to right-winged politics that doesn't give a shit about you, your family, or anyone else in this country

It's a very simple, multiple choice question. One where only one of the answers is completely wrong, two get partial credit, and one...well, one gets extra credit.

You know, Jon Stewart and the folks over at the Daily Show said that it is the "stupid vote" that will decide the election, but I think it's the average conservative voter who actually pays attention that will ultimately decide this election. I hope they make their country proud. They have a 75% chance of getting it right.

Pictures That Make The Liberal Armadillo Want To Punch A CEO In The Face

As the stock market continues to plummet, I'm temporarily calmed by the amusement of Lehman CEO, Richard Fuld, and his run in with a fellow gym member.







"The cost of my desire, sleep now in a fire."

John McCain's Town Hall Blunder in Nashville

So John McCain finally got his chance to shine in a town hall format debate against Barack Obama last night in "The Music City". Yeah, I said debate. If that's what you really want to call it. Hey, Johnny Mav, next time you want to whine and cry about not debating on your home turf, make sure you bring your A game when you do get the opportunity, not your D- game. Holy shit, if that was a peek at what an entire tour of town hall meetings across the country with you and Barack would be like, Texas might be a toss up right now.

McCain's performance was so awkward and pathetic, it isn't even worth dissecting. In fact, those two words sum it up completely. Awkward and Pathetic.

Look on the bright side, John, you get one more crack at it. Fuck it up, and "That One" just might turn the entire country blue.

A Quick Observation About Recent McCain/Palin Politics

It's funny that the two so called, "Mavericks", are so one dimensional when it comes to political strategy. Here we are, 28 days until the election, poll numbers are in the shitter, and while the media and the electorate scream BULLSHIT on their dirty attacks on Obama, McCain and Palin continue to shovel it. Are they really that fucking stupid, or is there something I'm missing?

Stay tuned for post debate analysis

I'm Fuckin Old, But Not As Old As John McCain

The Liberal Armadillo turned 30 today and he's a little drunk and a little depressed about the whole event. He can't sleep and the bar is closed, so here he is at 2 am in a hotel room in Frisco Texas reading stories on CNN about Sarah Palin babbling about Barack Obama havin ties to terrorists, and John McCain retreating to his ranch in Arizona for the weekend. Ahhhh, the silver lining to the dark cloud of aging.

How wonderfully predictable at this point. But, never did I think that we would be at this point in the election. If someone would have told me 9 months ago that in October, the republican's would be taking such an ass woopin that they would have to resort to the fear tactics just to keep their heads above water, and the party leader would be running for cover back to his home state with his tail between his legs like an abused dog that just pissed himself, I'd have said they were fucking delusional.

"Terrorits Ties", "Barack HUSSEIN Obama", "Flag Pins", and "Jeremiah Wright", these are suppose to be the nail in the coffin moves, not the hail mary passes. Right? Here we are, just 4 weeks until the election and Barack Hussein Obama, a black man, is leading the white old dude, John McCain in the polls by as much as 10 points nationally. Several polls that I've seen have him well ahead in key states like Ohio, Florida, North Carilina, Virginia, and Indiana...yes, I said Indiana. Somebody pinch me!

Poor John McCain. That stupid yes man son-of-a-bitch. He allowed that "Maverick" image that he spent his entire career building...well...at least post Keating 5 scandle, get flushed down the toilet because he allowed a few arrogant political strategists, who were sucking at Karl Roves teet, persuade him into running a 2000 and 2004 campaign. Finally, 4 out of 5 Americans think that George W Bush is a sorry cocksucker, and they tried to sell that same tired horse shit to us. Laughable!

While I sit here in my ice cold hotel room, I feel much better about turning 30 now. Maybe, just maybe, if Barack Obama and the new "Mavericks" of political strategy continue to take the dying republican machine to the woodshed, I can sleep well knowing that maybe a better day is coming for not only me and the American people, but for my unborn children and grandchildren. I wonder if the mistakes he has made even cross McCain's mind. I wonder if he realizes what he has done to not only his campaign, but possibly to his entire party. Yes, getting old sucks, but the future may just look a little brighter. Here's to turning 30 years young, and to the old fart John McCain for fuckin himself in the ass!

Last day for voter registration is Monday, October 6th. Get off your ass if you aren't already registered. Happy Birthday to me!

The Bleeding Has Stopped, But Death Is Likely

Have you ever seen a war movie where Johnny soldier takes one in the jugular or the gut and the medic plugs the hole with his finger? That pretty much sums up the Biden/Palin debate. Palin's performance may have stopped some of the bleeding, but unfortunately for her and her party, she's goin home in a pine box. Now I'll be honest, I'm not completely certain how "Joe Sixpack" saw this debate. I suppose the results will hit before I finish this blog entry. But, to the trained ear, as we say in football lingo, she overthrew her receiver by a mile. Sure, she came out swingin. She may have, for a moment, made us think that she was going to actually be able to seem knowlegable about the issues. But, it didn't take long for her to become completely trans-fuckin-parent.

Seriously, what are the McCain advisors thinking? They would have done better staging a Palin motorcade accident on the way to the debate than what they came up with tonight. I will try, for just a minute, to put myself in the shoes of her advisors. "Listen, Sarah, be yourself, but don't try to be yourself." Maybe they said that, but clearly she didn't understand...and should they be surprised? Could she have tried any harder to be average "hocky mom" dumbass? "Say it ain't so, Joe." ?? "Doggonnit" ?? Her tone couldn't have been more scripted and fake. I'm glad the media, yes, even the republican pundits, are picking up on her "folksy" vocabulary and how phony it was. "McCain's a Maverick and I'll be glad ta join em in tha White House." Jesus motherfuckin Christ. Gag me with a hocky stick! This strategy was as weak as my 401K. Who the fuck did her advisors think they were going to appeal to? More of the base? The "Joe Sixpacks" that already have this riDICKulous love affair with the "Baracuda" are already bagged. Why didn't they go after this 9 to 15% of undecided voters? They already have a horrible opinion of her. Why not try and change their minds and ease their fears? Are we seeing old, out of touch campaign strategists that are still running the Wing T, when clearly the 5 Wide, no huddle is what now wins championships?

Palin seemed to have two goals; one that didn't really resonate, and one that probably did well for some undecideds, but probably wasn't recognized on what it turly was for most. The first was her attempt to drive a wedge between Obama and Biden. She seemed to bring up on several occasions that Biden disagreed on many issues with Obama. That was a theme of the McCain campaign shortly after Biden was announced as VP candidate. It didn't really resonate back then, and I think it was a mistake to spend so much time on it now. The second goal she seemed to try and reach was stealing the liberal/progressive message as often as she could. For example, on the economy, all of a sudden a conservative supports regulation and oversight? What? Are you shittin me? All of a sudden a conservative wants to blame the sub-prime mortgage crisis on predatory lending? You sorry, lyin, bitch! You sorry bastards have always been for less regulation and the free market will fix itself, right? Watching the CNN coverage, with their undecided mood buttons, they seemed to like her liberal/progressive responses. She may have scored some points on this. Biden should have acknowledged that, and asked her to come on over to the Obama ticket since she sounded so much like a nasty libersl. That would have put her in her place real quick from the start.

As the results of the opinion polls come in, it seems that Biden is the clear winner. That's about where I stand. CNN reports 51% Biden to 36% Palin. 87% say that Biden is qualified to assume the presendency, to Palin's 42%. However, it is clear that Palin exceeded expectations. Hey, she didn't fall of the stage. She was able to put together sentences better than her interview with Couric and Gibson. Jesus fuckin Christ, I hope so. Debate camp with Rick Davis paid off a bit. Regardless, I think it is still obvious that she has no business as the running mate of John McCain. It is unforgivable that John McCain choose this dumb fuck as his VP. Let me be clear. John McCain has told the American people this: If I die, this is who I trust to lead our country through some of our most difficult times. This is who I think is the most knowledgeable to be president and will do the best job. John McCain is completely irresponsible and this is un-Fuckin-forgivable. I challenge anyone, anyone, to make a case for Sarah Palin. You know, all the pundits said before their were any VP nominees, that they simply don't change the game much at all. Well, maybe, for the first time in our history, we've seen the VP choice that completely killed a pary's chance of taking the White House. Thank you. John McCain.

A word on Biden's performance: He was definitely a second half man. He didn't get into a groove until the second half of the debate. His best moment was when Gwen asked what their Achilles heel was. Palin didn't really answer the question, much like she did for most of the night. Biden responded as follows:

You're very kind suggesting my only Achilles Heel is my lack of discipline.

Others talk about my excessive passion. I'm not going to change. I have 35 years in public office. People can judge who I am. I haven't changed in that time.

And, by the way, a record of change -- I will place my record and Barack's record against John McCain's or anyone else in terms of fundamental accomplishments. Wrote the crime bill, put 100,000 cops on the street, wrote the Violence Against Women Act, which John McCain voted against both of them, was the catalyst to change the circumstance in Bosnia, led by President Clinton, obviously.

Look, I understand what it's like to be a single parent. When my wife and daughter died and my two sons were gravely injured, I understand what it's like as a parent to wonder what it's like if your kid's going to make it.

I understand what it's like to sit around the kitchen table with a father who says, "I've got to leave, champ, because there's no jobs here. I got to head down to Wilmington. And when we get enough money, honey, we'll bring you down."

I understand what it's like. I'm much better off than almost all Americans now. I get a good salary with the United States Senate. I live in a beautiful house that's my total investment that I have. So I -- I am much better off now.

But the notion that somehow, because I'm a man, I don't know what it's like to raise two kids alone, I don't know what it's like to have a child you're not sure is going to -- is going to make it -- I understand.

I understand, as well as, with all due respect, the governor or anybody else, what it's like for those people sitting around that kitchen table. And guess what? They're looking for help. They're looking for help. They're not looking for more of the same.

Joe showed genuine emotion, but held it together enough to not make a scene. It was real and it reminded folks that his story is far more impressive than hers. Joe's wife and infant daughter died in a car accident shortly after he was elected to the Senate. After almost opting not to serve, his family convinced him to represent Delaware; Joe took the oath of office by his son's bedside who were injured in the accident. Biden vowed to serve his country and still raise his sons. Instead of moving to Washington DC, he took the Amtrack train home every night to Delaware to be home with his sons. He still comes home every night to this day. Joe got a little choked up when he breifly talked about this. He effectively trumped any sympqthy Palin may have been receiving for being the poor hocky mom with Downs Syndrome.



Okay, so I've rambled about this longer than Larry King. Yes, I'm drunk. What are you going to do? When you play a drinking game where the only rule is to drink when you hear the word Maverick, bad things happen. When you don't have to be at the office in the morning, worse things happen. Conclusion: Palin didn't fool many people at all; especially the "on the fence voters". She may have plugged the hole, but give this campaign some morphine. It's bleeding out, and it's only a matter of time. November 4th, to be exact.

I Rest My Case

Like I said Joe, show this bitch how to debate.

Free Advice to Joe Biden

Dear Senator Biden,

I know that your advisors have thoroughly prepped you on the approach to take with your debate against Palin. I'm sure it's a cautious one. They have probably told you that you can't be the bully and you can't shoot from the hip like you have in the past. Well, I say fuck that. Don't cut this bitch any slack whatsoever. The expectations for Palin have sunk so low that as long as she doesn't fall off the god damn stage it will be a success. You can't let her off that easy.

Let's be honest, this slut couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heal, and you have to highlight that. If you don't, you'll be sorry...and I'll be fucking angry. The voters are not going to feel sorry for her if you hammer the shit out of her stupidity. The ones that matter anyway. In the last few weeks her stock has dropped faster than AIG.

You have to act shocked that someone can be so retarded and be running for the second highest office in the land. Don't hesitate to throw in a joke comparing her ignorance to Bush's...or better yet, worse...which I didn't think was possible. You have a free pass to do that now seems how Bush's approval rating is the lowest in history. Remind everyone that McCain's judgement is unforgivable. This should be a fucking cake walk for you.



Whatever you do, don't turn into a pussy and go easy on her. If you do, it will be fake and you'll be a joke. Don't forget, Obama picked you for a reason. You're the veteran he brought in to help close the deal with some hard punches. So, don't just win the debate, run up the fucking score.

Sincerely Pissed Off At All The Fucktardary,

The Liberal Armadillo

P.S. Post debate analysis on Friday.