When It Rains, It Pours...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohxdvio9n2Q

God does have a sense of humor, aye Stuwart?

In the silently still air of the eye of Gustav, the future of the McCain/Palin campaign may hang in the balance. At the mouth of the mighty Mississippi, millions flee as a hurricane, possibly stronger than Katrina, bears down on its shores. Still recovering from the wreckage of three years ago, the people of New Orleans and most of the Gulf Coast prepare for the worst. Meanwhile, 2,300 miles up river, the GOP is gearing up for a shmooze fest to celebrate the nomination of John McMILF - fittingly enough on the three year anniversary of John McCain and George W Bush's birthday cake celebration of Katrina.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRar6yKZE8g&eurl=http://www.seattlepoliticore.org/2008/05/13/mccains-birthday-celebration-gone-wrong/

Every once in a while justice is served on assholes. I will say this though, I bet John McCain and his advisors did breath a sigh of relirf that Bush and Cheney were able to conveniently sneak out of their speeches scheduled at the RNC; a small yet insignificant opportunity to distance himself from the president. So not only does the RNC have to try and measure up to the DNC spectacle and speech of the century, they now have to deal with the reminder that, "George W Bush doesn't care about black people." - as Kanye West so bluntly put it.



So how will they try to spin this for damage control? We'll probably see a shortened convention with a Jerry Lewis type telethon with Laura Bush and Cindy McCain as the MCs. Unfortunately, the RNC is in between a sandbag and a category 5. The majority of the voters are going to see right through republican politicians trying to act like they give a shit. It will be about as ackward and pathetic as Al Gore sticking his tongue down Tippers throat in an effort to display some family intimacy that didn't involve an intern, a blowjob, and a cigar (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-ex3JFw6yc). It will be painful to watch. But I will push through the pain...and try like hell to hold back the laughter. When it rains, it pours.

Move Over Cindy, Daddy's Got a New Beauty Queen

So let me get this straight, Obama laid out several important criteria for picking his VP nominee.

1. Is that person ready to be president if necessary?

2. Is that person in touch with the tough economic times that the average American family is experiencing?

3. He wanted someone who was bold enough to challenge him. He was quoted as saying, "I want somebody who is going to challenge my thinking and not simply be a yes person when it comes to policy-making." In my opinion, this is what makes a truly great leader.

McCain on the other hand, needed only one qualification in his VP nominee.

1. Is she fuckable?

Judging from McCain's constant downward gaze during Palin's acceptance speech today, of those 18 million cracks, hers was the only one he couldn't keep his eyes off of. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2i_sn9HFNc

McCain said of Palin, "She's not from these parts and she's not from Washington, but when you get to know her, you're going to be as impressed as I am." Is he fucking kidding? When exactly did he, "get to know her"? In the car on the way from the hotel to the rally? Before Thursday when he offered her the VP spot, he had only met her once. They were introduced at a 2006 Republican Governors Association meeting. I guess you can call this a political one night stand. The real question is, will McCain wake up on November 5th in his own wet spot of defeat, and realized that he picked up the wrong running mate while wearing beer goggles? I say yes. McCain sure likes those beauty contests. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4RTlfRYLxA

However, when all the erections finally go limp, at the end of the day, there won't be enough Viagra to hide the fact that people will cringe at the idea of a 44 year old "hockey mom" governor of Alaska, going toe to toe with Putin, Ahmadinejad, and Kim Jon-il in the likely event that the 72 year old Grandpa of a president can't fulfill his duties. Even her story, her hunting trips with daddy, and being able to bait her own hooks, won't save her from criticism by the conservative base. But hey, who am I to judge? According to Steve Doocy over at Fox News, she has more foreign relations experience than Obama because Alaska is close to Russia. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWGS73v4_k) Really?

The argument of who is and who isn't qualified to be president is now firmly in the hands of the Obama camp. That is suppose to be the theme of the entire convention next week. So unless Sarah and Cindy pull out a "Miss Buffalo Chip" performance in their speeches, and show their tits, as so many of my conservative friends would love, this is not going to be much of a vote getter. She will forever be the GILF that got away. http://www.cafepress.com/cp/moredetails.aspx?showBleed=false&ProductNo=137140744&colorNo=0&pr=F

Thanks for thinkin with your dick, Johnny! Romney was your only choice.

Free Advice to the Obama/Biden Campaign In Response to Palin Announcement

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk20IySDwhw

You're welcome!

Biden Is the Right Choice and Who Will McCain Pick?

The is no question in my mind that Joe Biden is the right choice as VP nominee. It was solitified as the DNC adjourned tonight following Biden's speech. After listening to one of the other finalist earlier in the night, Evan Bayh, who didn't have a pulse, one would have to wonder how hard of a decision it really was for Obama.

I've been listening to the callers on CSPAN for the last thirty minitues, and I think it is safe to say that most of the Hillary supporters can and will live with Biden as VP. It's hard to back away from a guy with his story and carisma. Those that continue to bitch about Hillary either losing the nomination or not getting choosen as the VP nominee, will soon be nothing more than a sideshow.

If the McCain camp is smart, they will drop the Hillary angle. I don't think it's gonna stick. If they want to keep this thing close, they have to stay on message about Obama not being experienced or qualified. It's all they have right now.

Moving on to a different subject, The New York Times just reported that John McCain has in fact selected his VP nominee. The finalists are former governor Mitt Romney or Michigan, governor Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota, Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut, and the dark horse, Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson of Texas (her office must love me considering I send her nice little love letters a few times a month, at least). Let's analyze these assholes.

1. Tim Pawlenty - As was Evan Bayh for Obama, Pawlenty, regardless of his qualification, does not go well on a bumpersticker. He is a young unknown governor from a state that even he cannot deliver for McCain. If there was ever any real consideration for this guy as the choice, it's because of his youth. That's about it.

2. Joe Lieberman - I will get drunk and dance in the street naked in mass celebration if McCain picks this guy. This fucking Jew bastard was the first bad decision by Gore in 2000. He's got the pulse of a sloth and he looks like the dad from that old 80s show, Alf (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxyvdBzqOpM&feature=related). The NY Times reported that Karl Rove even called Joe to ask him to take his name out of the running for VP. If McCain has a brain, he will keep Liebermann's name in the running, but only for media attention. On the upside, Lieberdick would be able to help McCain in the area of Mid-East affairs, considering he doesn't know the difference between a Sunni and a Sunnite. I'll be prayin for this one, but I'm not holding my breath.

3. Kay Bailey Hutchinson - If McCain wants to keep the try and still go after some of those lingering moron Hillary diehards, this isn't a bad choice. Word is that the two don't get along well, but everyone knows that doesn't mean shit. Kennedy and LBJ didn't like each other either, and George H W Bush openly criticized Reagan in his autobiography, so this isn't a stretch. She has said that she does not want to be VP and it is likely she wants Rick Perry's chair as governor. Hutchinson would be a surprise, but ultimately could be a good move. Of all the assholes in the running, she worries me the most. Besides, she only had two houses. Romney probably owns them all.

4. Mitt Romney - Thinks we should double the size of Guantanamo. I agree. I have a list a mile long that should be put away for this debacle in Iraq. He was the second horse in the republican race, even though Huckabee did have more delegates because he hung around in the race longer after McCain had it won. It's kind of funny to me. I thought Mitt was going to get the nod ultimately for the republicans, but McCain rallied to win. I'm still not sure how the hell that happened. McCain pulled what we call on the left as, a John Kerry. Romney being the John Edwards for the republicans in 08' if selected. Romney should have been the nominee, but as the republicans tore theirselves apart, McCain came out on top. It must have been his time spent as a POW that got him where he is today. I mean, if McCain wasn't a vet and didn't spend several years being torchured in Vietnam, he wouldn't have such a strong foreign policy resume and of course wouldn't be qualified to be president.

Of all the candidated, Magic Underwear Mitt makes the strongest case on the economy. At least to the numbminded voters. Is there really any other choice besides Romney?

Bill Has Still Got It

Well, it was only about five minutes into his speech that I found myself pantless in my living room. Charmed off by the likes of the greatest politicial of all time, maybe for the last time. Let me be clear, he is not the greatest president, but the greatest politician.

There were a lot of critics about the Clintons speaking on back to back nights at the DNC. I think Bill's speech tonight reminded everyone that not having him speak would have been about as big of a mistake as Monica not washing that blue dress of hers.

Last night Hillary's speech got them on base. Tonight, Bill knocked it out of the park. Was there ever anyone else who could heal the wounds of the Obama vs Clinton sloberknocker? I think there will still be a few of those craybaby Clinton supporters who will continue to sulk and throw a fit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vUUl8RIyjw), but ultimately the Clinton's proved this week at the DNC that they can and will play ball. I think these pundits on TV forget that the "Kitchen Sink" strategy of the Clinton's was in an effort to try and win an election. This notion that they weren't going to kiss and make up is downright stupid. It's like getting caught up in a soap opera or reality show so much that you actually believe the shit.

A year ago, I didn't think it would be this election cycle that the Clinton's would be passing the torch. I am glad that I was wrong. It is no longer the party of the Clinton's. It is now the house of Obama.

Back later with more about Biden's speech.

Dennis Hits the Pipe Before His Speach at DNC 2008

Every wonder what a crazy liberal leprechaun on crack would look like?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BVrqpeNTpI

God, I love that little bastard. Big dick slingin Kucinich is my hero!

I Smell Soiled Magic Underwear

It's humorous to me to listen to the conservative pundits on all of the Sunday morning talk shows, try to spin the Obama campaign attack on John McCain's gaffe about how many houses he owns as a mistake. I say it's about fuckin time the Obama camp threw a haymacker when there was an opening. Kudos to Politico for that jewel. It was perfect timing too, because with the announcement of Joe Biden as Obama's VP nomination, Biden didn't waste any time jumping all over his ol buddy McCain, emphasizing how out of touch he is with the average American.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your kitchen table is like mine. You sit there at night before you put the kids -- after you put the kids to bed and you talk, you talk about what you need. You talk about how much you are worried about being able to pay the bills. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's not a worry John McCain has to worry about. It's a pretty hard experience. He'll have to figure out which of the seven kitchen tables to sit at. Folks, again, it's not political sloganary when I say we literally can't afford four more years of this non-energy policy written by and for the oil companies, making us more and more dependent from hostile nations on our ability to run this country and literally, not figuratively, literally putting America's security at risk, we can't afford four more years of a foreign policy that has shredded our alliances and sacrificed our moral standing around the world."

Ouch! I laugh at the thought of McCain listening to that speech, hearing that line about his seven kitchen tables, and then soiling his Depends. I'm sure he wasn't the only one with skid marks in his skivies. If I had to put money on it, the McCain camp and all his surrogates are scared shitless about Biden as Obama's wing man. I hope McCain picks ol Mitt Romney as his VP nominee. If he does, I'll be marking my calendar with the date of the VP debate. I'll have a front row seat in front of my big screen, bottle of whisky and a tub of popcorn to see Joe tear Mitt a new one; Magic Underwear and all! Mitt better start counting. I can't wait to hear his response to the same question. I hear the Vegas over/under is 17 1/2.

...oh, and a quick word for all the Hillary Clinton nutzoides I've either heard call in to the Washington Journal or blog about how they are either not voting or voting for McCain because Barack Obama didn't pick her as VP...YOU ARE ALL STUPID STUPID STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS!

Wish In One Hand and Shit In the Other

I heard his name in the news months ago as a VP possibility, but not again until this morning. Chet Edwards, my Congressman, could very well join Obama on the 08' bumpbersticker. From a strategy standpoint, my first thought about Edwards was name association. Edwards as VP? You mean the guy who fucked around on his wife? Something to think about.

However, choosing Chet Edwards as VP nominee could be a genius move. My final two possibilities are Governor Tim Kaine of Virginia and Senator Joe Biden of Delaware. Kaine stays on message of being a Washington outsider and brings a new face to the game, but Biden brings the experience, foreign relations, and tough guy approach. Chet Edwards kind of meets in the middle. He's virtually unknown, even to many in our district. He's relatively young, but he has been around the block a bit. He served in the Texas Senate for 7 years, he has as been serving in the US House since 1990, and even though he is a very moderate dem, this Aggie has a long record of, "Whoop"-In some republican ass. I mean how do you not give a guy some credit for winning and holding a place at the table in a state where liberals are few and far between? Hell, he only lost to Phil Gramm by 115 votes in a primary his first run at Congress. I will admit this though, he is a very conservative democrat. I hold my nose when I pull the lever for this guy. But for Obama, this is about winnin, period.

So, what if the strategy is to choose a VP who is not well known, has some experience but not a fossil either, and is a proven campaigner against republican opposition in conservatively saturated areas, to try and steal the second largest electoral state in the Union? If that is the case, Axelrod and the rest of Obama's advisors have bigger balls than Karl Roves forehead. I've been playing with this interactive electoral map on the Web, and if Obama can somehow steal Texas, he can lose every other close state there will most likely be, including Florida and Ohio. Suck on that Gore and Kerry!

How the fuck could that be possible? I don't fucking know...but, Obama has been a provin-George-wrong-son-of-a-bitch this entire year, so anything is possible. I've seen polls with McCain leading Obama in Texas by as many as 13 points and as litlle as 9. Even if it's in between, it's something that I am sure has crossed the minds of his strategy guys.

Am I thinking of this because I'm a liberal, dreaming a mirage of political victory...maybe? But, as a person who's dream job is a campaign strategist, I would flirt with this idea. It's definitely a dark horse theory. If Chet Edwards is on the ticket, I'll be wishing it leads to the White House...but as my Daddy has told me many times, "Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up the fastest"...I still think it's Biden...Goddammit, where is my fucking text message?

Veepstakes...Cliche, I Know

Obama's running mate, who's it gonna be? I don't fuckin know! Don't worry, I'm gonna make a prediction. But first, lets analize the potentials.

1. Hillary Clinton - No way! I've said it from the start, Obama/Clinton is not a "dream ticket". It's potential fucking desaster is what it is. She, and more so her hubby are too much of a liability. It would just be too pathetic for everyone, myself inculded, to see them in the mix again. It's like watching the Patriots go to the Super Bowl again. Besides, we all know that Bill can't keep it in his pants to save his life. The last thing the Dems need is another sex scandle. Hillary Clinton, Attorney General...since John Edwards spooged away that position.

2. Kathleen Sebelius - The quickest way to lose any of the reasonable Hillary supporters that have decided to hold their nose for Obama, or worse, the ones that will decide to, or ones that will even consider it, is to put a woman on the ticket who's first name isn't Hillary and last name isn't Clinton. I saw her Democratic response to this year's State of the Union Address...mediocre, at best. She would not be good on the stump, and from what I have seen, she can't even make what comes off the teleprompter sound good. Weak choice in my opinion, even though she's loved by some of the democratic pundits, and Wes Clark's secret crush.

3. Evan Bayh - Really? I mean, this guy should be a top choice. He's got rockstar status in Indiana, which could turn into a battleground state, but as stupid as it may sound, Obama/Bayh doesn't mesh good on a yard sign. Also, if I'm Obama's political advisor, I'm reminding him that he was a strong supporter of the Iraq war until 2004, and even attended a Rose Garden ceremony that announced the passage of the joint resolution to authorize it. Reportedly Bush and John McCain personally thanked him for co-sponsoring the legislation...oops! Disqualified! Obama doesn't want to find his veep nominee on stage in a debate responding to questions of why he supported the war and bumped uglies with the Hawks. Not good for poll numbers.

4. Tim Kaine - I'll say maybe. I know, you're probably saying, who? Exactly! One strategy for Obama's veep is to pick an unknown. This may be a good way to go. Obama is the breath of fresh air the Democrats have needed for some time. Bringing a new player in the game...for you sports fans, a Tony Romo if you will, may be a good idea. He might be more that a preseason second halfer and really know how to throw touchdowns...or he might also like to fuck stupid celebrities and fumble routine field goals snaps or throw interceptions in the playoffs...THIS BETTER BE YOUR YEAR ROMO OR I'M OFF THE BANDWAGON! Obama and Kaine are both Harvard Law alums and Kaine was one of Barack's first major endorcements. A Kaine announcement as veep could surprise some folks, but ultimately may be a safe yet solid move, even if he doesn't deliver some of the more competitive rust belt states. Either way, I'd think he would also be at the top of Obama's list for Attorney General.

5. Al Gore - This would definitely be a shocker. It would generate a shit storm of media attention that is already expected for the announcement itself. This could be big enough to carry on through the Republican convention next month. My opinion is that this is the "dream ticket" that Clinton supporters are talking about. Wanna make Florida a battleground state? Here ya go. Hey, and maybe Gore could deliver Tennessee this time. How do you run for president and not win your own fucking state? With all that said, the likelyhood of this ticket is about as likely as McCain resurrecting Reagan to be his veep. Besides, my dad picked this sleeper, and I don't want to listen to him talk shit for the next four years. Oh, and by the way, Gore is already scheduled to speak at the convention next week, same night as Obama, so sorry Pops!

6. Joe Biden - Even though I told someone earlier today, that this was not a strong move, after further thought, I take it back and Obama/Biden is my pick. My argument against it was that his age, experience, and foreign relations record would bring merit to the McCain attack that Obama is too young and inexperienced to be president. When I though about it more, I realized that the answer was right under my nose. This attack is McCain's strongest arguement. It has almost been his entire campaign. There are a lot of folks out there, stupid as they may be, that believe that bullshit. Biden doesn't prove a point to people that are on the fence because of that issue, it calms their fears...and are the winners of political contests not usually just the one's that played on the electorate's fears most effectively? Biden can be what LBJ was for Kennedy. The first qualification of a vice president is can that person be sworn in on Air Force One in the event something tragic happens to the president? Biden passes that test to the lamen, and also eases the fears of those that aren't quite sure about Obama's experience. Bush picked Cheney, so there ya go.

Biden is also very blunt and matter-of-fact, and a pretty skilled debater. I was sad to see him drop out of the presidential race because he actually brought a pulse to the debates. This guy can hold his ground against anyone in politics as far as I'm concerned. Since Obama refuses to hit hard, Biden can do it for him so Barack can keep the positive angle going.

So there you have it. Obama/Biden vs McCain/Romney let the games begin...oh, wait, they started like two fucking years ago. Don't worry, football season is here to help me find balance in life.

Who's The Pussy Now?

As my old roomy would say, Well, Well, Well...

...I saw two speeches tonight. One guy gave his in a packed arena with 20,000 screaming fans like some rock concert, with a reported 15,000 more who couldn't get in waiting outside, and they weren't even serving beer, and at the same venue that will be the site of the "other team's" convention this summer (Ouch!)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXaVFdTA_fU

...the other guy gave his in the Pontchartrain Center with a few stiffs that looked like they were pulled out of a croche convention. Seriously, they were about as enthusiastic as golf announcers.
Where is the Pontchartrain Center you might ask? Well, although located in the pretty middle/lower-class town of Kenner, just a short drive north of the lake is the whitest most wealthy suburbs (that explains the unenthusiastic stiffs) of, let's see, what's that city?...the one where there was that big storm, and all the negros had to sleep and shit in the big football dome because, well, because they weren't white, that, and because the current administration is a bunch of heartless, incompetent fuckheads? Comon, I know this one, the city were you can drink all night, buy Crown at the grocery store, and see boobies for the low low price of plastic beads. Man I sucked at geography! You know, the city that our stupid dick of a president peered out the window of Air Force One to assess the damage, all for a photo-op that Cousin Karl insisted was important, OH, Yeah, that's right, New Orleans!

Honestly, Gramps, I think the lower 9th Ward would have been a more appropriate, moving venue for a speech of this nature on the biggest night thus far for the other party. Who's your campaign manager?

So, these two speeches, one was given by a guy who is going to need a tailor to undo the hem on his pants to keep his balls from showing...and I aint talkin about the senior citizen dealing with gravity issues either. If this isn't what a motherfuckin president should sound like, I'm movin to Canada!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56wBIy8oFTc

...the other speech was given by a guy who can barely read the teleprompter. He must have flunked public speaking. And do you get the feeling you're one of his grandkids when he talks? Oh my Jesus, and the tone of is voice is so, so, fuckin gay. Does this sound presidential?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpQnJfElZvo

Hey, John InSane, your vagina is showing! What are the NASCAR-Gun-Toatin-Jesus voters to do? Well, when there is an Obama/Clinton ticket, there will be plenty of room on the flatbed.

FUCK IT! WE'LL DO IT LIVE! FUCKIN THING, SUCKS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlkXlGeABJY

Wouldn't you pay a pretty penny to be a fly on the wall at the O'Reilly house on nights that Maureen has a headache, or isn't in the mood? Holy shit, and those poor kiddos. Can you imagine what would happen if Bill-O stepped on a jack, or a leggo while walking across the living room floor? Someone call CPS!

Ya think maybe his anger stems from the cathloic priests at Chaminade, the private high school that young Bill-O attended? It's okay Bill, let it out buddy. It wasn't your fault.

I once heard a suggestion that Bill-O deserved to be sodomized with his microphone for the bullshit he spews. Although I completely agree, it seems evident that this has already happened. Well, at least the sodomy part.

Wow, I can't believe it. I almost feel sorry for the guy...oh, wait...I almost forgot, nevermind!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CowWSNO6v30&feature=related

Microphone in the poop shoot, proceed, Father.

Stop Stealing His Catch Phrase

There is nothing more pathetic than a spin off of someone else's successful catch phrase. "Yes, we will! Yes, we will!" Okay, look, shut the fuck up. Yes, you will lose. Listening to Billary's speech tonight, I'm about done with her. Great candidate, wish she wasn't so polarizing, always defended her when warranted, still can be a leader in the party, maybe even a running mate or cabinet member, but hang it up for HowardDeansake! Unless Barack is found tomorrow morning coked up, face down in an alley in downtown Raliegh NC with a dildo that says Fuck America sticking out his ass, he's going to be the nominee...but even if that happens, I think at this point, it can be argued that he could possibly overcome it.

Laura Bush: Your Junta es un Puta

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2008/05/20080505-5.html

Don't ya just love it when politicians use a humanitarian crisis as political leverage? Mmmmm, it's just so... so American. Makes me want to tatoo a flag pin over my heart so my patriotism is never doubted again.

After a horrible cyclone hit Myanmar (Burma) on Saturday, the death toll is now over 22,000, and possibly a million homeless. And wouldn't ya know, between all the decisions of center pieces, brides maids dresses, flower arrangements, and talks withJenna about "becoming a woman" (wink wink), Librarian Laura had enough time to act like she gives a shitabout the people of this tragedy, just before she split for Crawford. Politics as usual, and as only the Bush Administration can do it.

So let me see if I understand this...With sanctions already in place (renewed and tightened in recent months), these haters of freedom, that are controlled by a military junta (government ruled by a committee of military leaders), were lectured by the First Lady of the United States about, "...their failure to meet its people's basic needs." ...and on an internationalstage mind you. WOW! Kudos to President Numb-Nuts for sending his wife to relay that message. What a southern gentleman! And a big fuck you to the people of New Orleans...sinners!

So Myanmar's controlling government is a bunch of nut-jobs. I don't think there is any dispute there. They have held the leader of their pro democracy movement, Aung San Suu Kyi, either in jail or on house arrest for more than a decade and ignored the will of the people. Their human rights record is a D-, at best. But it always comes back to how we deal with wacko governments and the example we set for the rest of the world. I don't know what it looks like to most Americans (if they're even paying attention, American Idol is tonight, Go David Cook! That guy is awesome!), but to the rest of the world it looks like a fat guy dangling a twinkie over a starving kid, teasing em a bit, just before he goes, NAMANANUANUNA, all gone! or, as a co-worker of mine put it, that's like takin a group of kids from Darfur to a buffet with their mouths taped shut.

Does anyone else find it curious that "The Commander Guy" choose to sign H.R. 4286 (Congressional Gold Medal to Aung San Suu Kyi democracy advocate) at the same time that he said this,

"We're prepared to move U.S. Navy assets to help find those who have lost their lives, to help find the missing, to help stabilize the situation. But in order to do so, the military junta must allow our disaster assessment teams into the country,"

Crazy junta or not, if I'm a leader of the Myanmar government, I'm probably thinkin, hmmm, lights are sill out in Iraq, can't flush the toilets there, sewage in the strets, I remember what happend to the brown people in New Orleans...yeah... why don't you sit this one out President Bush. I'd rather ask Bangladesh for help.

Of course it remains to be seen if they will accept our twinkie crumbs or not, but you can count on some serious political expectations from the Bush Administration if they do. Meanwhile, CNN is reporting that, bodies are being dumped in the rivers by survivors in Yangon...

...And to think, if they just wouldn't have sinned so much, God wouldn't have sent that cyclone to show his discontent.

Here's an idea, how about we drop politics on this one. Let's take the lead in building an international aid package, unconditionally. Let me emphasize unconditionally. These people don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. This might be a good time to genuinely show the world, that, as Laura put it, "Americans are a compassionate people."

A final thought about Jeremiah Wright, as only Bill Moyers can give.

As you know, Jeremiah Wright borke his silence last week on Bill Moyers Journal. If you saw the interview, you know it was very different from the two speeches he would give later in front of the National Press Club and the NAACP. I would like to share the opening of Bill Moyers Journal this week, in response to the media frenzy about Jeremiah Wright.
Bill Moyers Journal, Friday, May 2, 2008
I once asked a reporter back from Vietnam, "Who's telling the truth over there?" "Everyone, he said. "Everyone sees what's happening through the lens of their own experience." That's how people see Jeremiah Wright. In my conversation with him on this broadcast a week ago and in his dramatic public appearances since, he revealed himself to be far more complex than the sound bites that propelled him onto the public stage. Over 2000 of you have written me about him, and your opinions vary widely. Some sting: "Jeremiah Wright is nothing more than a race-hustling, American hating radical," one viewer wrote. A "nut case," said another. Others were far more were sympathetic to him.
Many of you have asked for some rational explanation for Wright's transition from reasonable conversation to shocking anger at the National Press Club. A psychologist might pull back some of the layers and see this complicated man more clearly, but I'm not a psychologist. Many black preachers I've known — scholarly, smart, and gentle in person — uncorked fire and brimstone in the pulpit. Of course I've known many white preachers like that, too.
But where I grew up in the south, before the civil rights movement, the pulpit was a safe place for black men to express anger for which they would have been punished anywhere else; a safe place for the fierce thunder of dignity denied, justice delayed. I think I would have been angry if my ancestors had been transported thousands of miles in the hellish hole of a slave ship, then sold at auction, humiliated, whipped, and lynched. Or if my great-great grandfather had been but three-fifths of a person in a constitution that proclaimed, "We the people." Or if my own parents had been subjected to the racial vitriol of Jim Crow, Strom Thurmond, Bull Connor, and Jesse Helms. Even so, the anger of black preachers I've known and heard about and reported on was, for them, very personal and cathartic.
That's not how Jeremiah Wright came across in those sound bites or in his defiant performances this week. What white America is hearing in his most inflammatory words is an attack on the America they cherish and that many of their sons have died for in battle ? forgetting that black Americans have fought and bled beside them, and that Wright himself has a record of honored service in the Navy. Hardly anyone took the "chickens come home to roost" remark to convey the message that intervention in the political battles of other nations is sure to bring retaliation in some form, which is not to justify the particular savagery of 9/11 but to understand that actions have consequences. My friend Bernard Weisberger, the historian, says, yes, people are understandably seething with indignation over Wright's absurd charge that the United States deliberately brought an HIV epidemic into being. But it is a fact, he says, that within living memory the U.S. Public Health Service conducted a study that deliberately deceived black men with syphilis into believing that they were being treated, while actually letting them die for the sake of a scientific test. Does this excuse Wright's anger? His exaggerations or distortions? You'll have to decide or yourself. At least it helps me to understand the why of them.
But in this multimedia age the pulpit isn't only available on Sunday mornings. There's round the clock media — the beast whose hunger is never satisfied, especially for the fast food with emotional content. So the preacher starts with rational discussion and after much prodding throws more and more gasoline on the fire that will eventually consume everything it touches. He had help — people who for their own reasons set out to conflate the man in the pulpit who wasn't running for president with the man in the pew who was.
Behold the double standard: John McCain sought out the endorsement of John Hagee, the war-mongering Catholic-bashing Texas preacher who said the people of New Orleans got what they deserved for their sins. But no one suggests McCain shares Hagee's delusions, or thinks AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuality. Pat Robertson called for the assassination of a foreign head of state and asked God to remove Supreme Court justices, yet he remains a force in the Republican religious right. After 9/11 Jerry Falwell said the attack was God's judgment on America for having been driven out of our schools and the public square, but when McCain goes after the endorsement of the preacher he once condemned as an agent of intolerance, the press gives him a pass.
Jon Stewart recently played a tape from the Nixon White House in which Billy Graham talks in the oval office about how he has friends who are Jewish, but he knows in his heart that they are undermining America. This is crazy; this is wrong -- white preachers are given leeway in politics that others aren't.
Which means it is all about race, isn't it? Wright's offensive opinions and inflammatory appearances are judged differently. He doesn't fire a shot in anger, put a noose around anyone's neck, call for insurrection, or plant a bomb in a church with children in Sunday school. What he does is to speak his mind in a language and style that unsettle some people, and says some things so outlandish and ill-advised that he finally leaves Obama no choice but to end their friendship. We are often exposed us to the corroding acid of the politics of personal destruction, but I've never seen anything like this ? this wrenching break between pastor and parishioner before our very eyes. Both men no doubt will carry the grief to their graves. All the rest of us should hang our heads in shame for letting it come to this in America, where the gluttony of the non-stop media grinder consumes us all and prevents an honest conversation on race. It is the price we are paying for failing to heed the great historian Jacob Burckhardt, who said "beware the terrible simplifiers".

-A-fuckin-men, Bill!

Happy Anniversary President Cod-Sack

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2003/05/20030501-15.html

If you can read that speech and not get sick to your stomach, you might want to have your head examined. I would like to re-write this speech for President Cod-Sack-o-Shit, and ask that he seriously consider flyin his happy ass back to the USS Abraham Lincoln to fucking apologize! On second thought, maybe swimming would be a better option. He could show up wearin matching American flag speedo and cap. His speech could go a little something like this, in his oh so fake, annoying Texas drawl:

May 1, 2008
OPERATION IRAQI FOREVER THE PRESIDENT:

Thank you all very much. Admiral Kelly, Captain Card, officers and sailors of the USS Abraham Lincoln, my fellow Mericans: I was wrong. Major combat operations in Iraq have not ended. My bad on that whole Mission Accomplished thing! hehe In the battle of Iraq, the United States, now unilaterally, have screwed the pooch, and we find ourselves in a butt-fuck-o-thon - Islamofacist style! hehe (Boos)...I think that's illegal in Texas aint it? hehe...(Louder BOOS)

As for securing and reconstructing that country, Dick says Halliburton is gonna need 100 more years and all your future social security checks to get-r-done. hehe...I just love that Larry the Cable Guy...hehehe...funny fella...hehe

In this battle, we have faught for the cause of liber...ah, shit, who am I kiddin, Dick and Rummy bet me a dollar we couldn't build the case to go to war, fail, not find Osama, and still get re-elected...got the idea from that Nutty Professor - Blues Brother movie...Trading Places I think it's called...I just love that Nutty Professor dude, and the Blues Brothers are just coool man, but not the new Blues Brother, Rosanne's husband, the old Belushi guy that died from nosecandy...so I hear...hehe

Hahaa, anyway, I win copadres, pay up, you owe me dos pesos...that's dollars in Mexican...hehe

This nation thanks all the members of our coalition who helped me win my bet. Much oblige amigos!...that's Texan for thank ya...hehe

We'd like to thank the armed forces of the United Kingdom, Australia, Poland, and the monkeys from Morocco who shared in the hardships of war...those monkeys are so cute...kind of reminds me of Baracky...nice guy, sucks to be him come January though...hehe...Quagmire...Giggity Giggity...hehe...love that Family Guy too.

We thank the citizens of Iraq who welcomed our troops and joined in the liberation of their own country...now we ask you to stop fighting each other, and be one nation, under God, like us, yeah, Jesus is a lot cooler than that Allah guy...but what's this thing about 72 virgins?...hehe...hehe...72, that's the year I went to Mexico, sted a Nam...yeah, a lot less bullets...and better tacos.

Anyways, tonight, I have a special word for Secretary Rumsfeld and Vice President Cheney, WHERE MY MONEY, BITCHES? How bout double or nuttin on Iran? (Boos)

And finally, to the men and women of our armed forces, thank ya for serving our country and our cause, way ta get-r-done...

***SAY REALLY FAST UNDER YOUR BREATH***DON'T READ THIS PART

...oh shit, I don't think I was suppose to read that part...

Sorry we're cutting your pay, canceling, yourbenefits, sending you back for a fifth tour, and also extending your current one, oh, and by the way, you guys that are currently stateside, pack your bags for Tehran.

May God bless you all, and may God continue to bless the United, and ONLY, the United States of Merica! (EAT SHIT AND DIE-randomly shouted from the crowd).

I just knew he couldn't apologize, what an asshole...263 days, 21 hours, 7 minutes, and 39, 38, 37...seconds til the end of the Bush regime!

A Rare Conspiracy Theory

So I don't normally make my own conspiracy theories. I've read plenty in my day, and I form my own opinions, but rarely do I come out with my own. Now maybe people are already talking about this, and maybe they're not, but here is a theory that I think is highly unlikely, but worth throwing out there...besides, it gives me a stiffy to think, that if true, and if it did work, that a Democrat, one who I have said on many occasions has to show some presidential sack to overcome all the bullshit being thrown at him, could make such a kickass political move - a move so slick, that Karl Rove would be envious.

So what if, Obama came to the conclusion that, okay, I got the nomination pretty much locked up; it's time to start planning for November. So he knows he's a fucking Barackstar. He can raise sums of money that would make Joel Osteen jealous...and Joel's peeps aint too excited about Grandpa McBush. He's inspiring, yes, like Reagan. Yes, I said The Gipper, but just to clarify for Fixed News Channel, that doesn't mean I like Reagan. It simply means that I think Obama has the potential to not only win, but win in landslide fashion, and the last prez to do that was Ronald "Mad Cow" Reagan.

So he's got all this going for him, what is the only thing that could stand in his way??? Oh, yes, Reverend Wrong! He knows that this is not over. This shit is going to show it's ugly face again. How do we make it go away? You can't, right? This is McBush's trump card. They're going to make the voters think McBush is running against Reverend Wright, himself. So what if...and this is a big fucking IF...Obama and Wright made an indirect deal for Wright to make things Right by playin the nutzoid card. Good cop, bad cop, so to speak. He barks lound enough so that it seems like Obama has a choice to make. He's already denounced...sorry Billary, rejects his previous comments, but didn't quite separate himself from the guy completely. It gave him a great chance to make a historic speech about race, but didn't quite remove the Rev from the picture. Now, the Rev gets crazy on TV. Acts like a fool in front of the NAACP, and Barack has no choice but to completely denounce, reject, say fuck off to Mr Wright. Poof! Be gone. Well, sort of. At least it stops the bleeding, and maybe, just maybe, if we get all this bullshit out now, he won't have to play too much defense come the fall...and if there is a God, Obama will win some of those bible belt states that would be a dream come true...

...or maybe Reverend Wright is just an egotistical freakshow and Barack is just lucky to get the second chance to completely separate himself from the stupid fucker. Yeah, that's seems more logical...but it's nice to dream once in a while.

Hey Rev Wright, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

God Damn your stupidity! Look, Rev, I aint mad at ya. I know that what you said was the fucking truth, and completely taken out of context by the media. You are right, and to hell with Fox News! Unfortunately, you're takin a ol fashioned lynchin for it. And that fucking sucks, man. But, PLEASE, for Christ Sake, for Obama's sake, SHUT THE FUCK UP! The damage is done, let's call it a fucked up day, lick our wounds, and take it to the house. PLEASE!

Your boy is just a hair away from lockin this thing up so he can move on to McBush and company. A win in Indiana and an ass woopin in North Carolina puts this thing away. So why, with just a week or so til these crutial primaries, do you have to show your mug on TV, AGAIN? Have you lost your mind? Are you completely insane?

Okay, look, you seem like a smart guy, but apparently you aren't getting it. Let me give you some advise that will benefit us all. I'm sure your congregation has forked over enough Jesus money for you to take a comfortable retirement - so, take it a little early and run brother! Find yourself a nice quiet little island that serves good frozen drinks, kick back, start writing your book, and enjoy the election results. On November 5th, me and the rest of the folks that are in the know will welcome you back with open arms. We can have a big ol laugh together about how pissed all the rich, white, republicans are that a big scary black man is sittin in the oval office. It will be priceless...but until then, stay the fuck away!

...Oh, and the McBush machine will bring your name up again leading up to the election. You'll be front page news again for a while, but don't let this tempt you to come back and rebutt. Have another Pina Colada and write another chapter.

Hey! Where All the White Women At?

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I was fully prepared for Billary to pull out a win in Pennsyltucky, but it sure would have been nice to see a five point win instead of ten. It's all because the white women are still afraid of the big black man. Since Texas and Ohio, Obama continues to cut into Hilldog's bread and butter demographics. All except the white women. Goddammit! What the fuck does this guy have to do to bring you around? Show you his cock? If that allows us to see that this guy actually has a set of balls, I'm all for it. If there is one thing that the Clinton campaign is right about, it's that come time for the general election, hope, change, and nice guy attitude is only going to get you so far. So Barack, get your balls out of the purse and man up to the flavor!

Look, Hillary supporters, I don't normally discourage people for voting for the person that doesn't have much of a chance of winning, I mean I voted for Nader in 2000 for fucksake, but at least I had an excuse. Texas was Bush country anyway so my vote didn't matter. Had I lived in Florida or another swing state, I would have probably voted for Gore; but what the fuck is your excuse? Voting for Clinton now is just helping McBush. Obama is rasing record amounts of money, but it's being wasted on a lingering primary season when it could be used to secure an election that is the Democrats' to lose. STOP IT FUCKERS!

Listen, on paper, these candidates are virtually the same, so get on board with the one that has the Republicans shittin their pants. Rush Limbaugh has gone as far as telling all his listeners to vote for Clinton so that McBush can wipe the floor with her in November.

Listen to me very carefully Democrats - DON'T FUCK THIS UP!...one more time, DON'T FUCK THIS UP! FUCKIN-A, DON'T FUCK THIS UP! Stop voting for the polarizing person that is a sure loser in November, and start voting for the guy that has the ability to inspire like a rockstar, to raise money (massive amounts of it) in the form of mostly small donations like never seen before. Start voting for the guy that the Republicans are scared of. Start voting for the guy, that if he ever shows his balls, has the potential of winning the White House in landslide fashion. How great would it be to wake up on January 20, 2009 with a brotha in the White House? If that happens, I'm gonna crack open a case of beer, turn on talk radio, and listen to Rush, Hannity, and Bill-O, because for once their whining will be oh so sweet.

Family Values? Kiss My Half Mexican Ass!

Today's Douche Bag award goes to a fellow native Texan, Congressman Kenneth Marchant (R-Coppell). Yesterday, The House debated a bill introduced by Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) on giving federal employees eight weeks of paid leave for parental care of a newborn or adoped child. Unfortunately, they compromised on four weeks (still has to be debated and signed by Fucktard president) thanks to dickheaded republicans like Kenny Marchant. Kenny boy didn't even support the four week compromise might I add.

Here is a fuckstick who boasts about family values on his Web site, but when called on to support a common sense bill that supports real families, he's all hat and no cattle.

His Web site says:

"Marchant has worked diligently to serve the interests of his constituents and look out for families throughout his district and the entire state. For his efforts, Marchant has been recognized by the Family Research Council as a "True Blue Member of Congress" for his unwavering commitment to strong family values."

Way to step up to the plate Kenny! You and The Family Research Council can take your bibles and shove em up your righteous asses. If there is one thing that pisses me off more than anything, it's fuckers who think that supporting family values means that you go to church on Sunday, hate fags, and believe the earth is 6,000 years old. FUCKIN-A, follow that stupid acronym you guys came up with, WWJD. I can tell you this much, Jesus wouldn't have stood up on the floor of Congress and made excuses about, "a hefty price tag", or "we're making a statement that we're out of touch". Out of touch? Well no shit sherlock! The United States is one of the only industrialized countries that doesn't mandate paid leave for everyone. Sweden provides a full year and a bunch of other great benifits that promote good family values. Isn't it obvious that we're not just a little out of touch, but off the fucking reservation? And, this was bill that would just include federal employees. You know, the ones that help run the fucking country. If Jesus is a real being waiting for us after death, I hope he's gotta hellacious bitch slap waiting for Mr Marchant.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wpdyn/content/article/2008/04/15/AR2008041502979.html?wpisrc=newsletter&wpisrc=newsletter

Why I Pray Assholes Grow Over

It took a long time for me to finally understand why my Pops used to cuss at the news and say, "I hope that bastard's asshole grows over." As a kid that didn't make a helluva lotta sense, but now, it makes all the fucking sense in the world. If you're gonna be that full of shit, you ought to have to fucking die from your own!

I've got a list a mile long of people who deserve to one day experience the painful death of septic shock due to literally being full of it. I should write a goddamn book about it. In fact, I came up with a title several years back. It's called, "Pricks, Pinheads, and Cocksuckers: Why their assholes should grow over." That's a New York Times bestseller if I ever heard of one.

Now I know you're probably saying, Wow, that's a little harsh; so let me clarify. I'm not talking about the jerk off that cuts you off at the intersection, or even the asshole that's three people behind you in line at the grocery store and when the register next to you opens up, he quickly rushes ahead of everyone - although a revised edition of the book may have a chapter reserved for him. I'm talking about people like George W Bush and Dick Cheney. Just listen to DICK for a few minutes. I mean, here is a guy who clearly does not give one flying fuck about anything but his own ego.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csKkdKlLUTc

HEY ASSHOLE! In early 2003 Generals Zinn and Shinseki warned Congress of the same inevitablilties, and what happend to them? Oh, early retirement, that's right. What the fuck ever. Forced out for speaking out, for speaking the truth. What the fuck DICK? And all the dipshits in Congress who voted to give this lunatic administration the authorization to invade a country that never attacked us, a country that was 2/3 a no fly zone, FUCK YOU, TOO, Democrats and Republicans alike!

I got into a discussion one night with some friends about this whole decision to go to war. They tried to say that no one could have predicted how difficult it was going to be once Saddam was gone. I don't remember who this discussion was with, but whoever it was and whoever believes that crock of shit, goes in the Pinhead chapter of my book.

A little history, a little math, a map, and just a shread of fucking common sense concludes that Iraq was a butt-fuck-a-thon waiting to happen. I knew it. A handfull of others knew it, and were vocal about it , and we were called cowards and unpatriotic. This is one where I wish I was wrong, but unfortunately I'm not. So to those of you who said to us that opposed the war from the start that we didn't support the troops, FUCK YOU! There are those of us that believe that the men and women who sacrafice the conveniences of civilian lives to protect our country should only be asked to do the unthinkable as a very last resort. It is absolutely clear that the Iraq war is unnecessary.

Thousands of ruined lives and hundreds of billions of dollars later, or honorable men and women are still in an impossible position. I read the horror stories in the paper, I watch the terrible reports on the news, and I struggle with the worry of a close friend on the front lines in Baghdad as I type. I'm not a religious man, but still I pray for them. And you can bet your sweet ass that my prayer for George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and all the other architects of this clusterfuck of a war is: I hope the bastards assholes grow over!

A side note: According to the Washington Post today, a very large majority of you may just agree with me...It's about fucking time!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wpdyn/content/article/2008/04/14/AR2008041402842.html

The Liberal Armadillo

I can't keep quiet anymore. I've been silent too long. I'm starting this blog to sound off on the shit in the news that makes me so fucking pissed that I'm about to start voting republican - because we almost deserve it.

This blog will be mostly about politics. However, I reserve the right to blast away on other topics that may get me worked up at the time. WARNING - This blog will be X rated, vulgar, uncut, uncensored, sometimes tasteless, and just downrght offensive. Nobody is safe. I don't care if you're Jesus, the Pope, Mother Teresa, or The Dali Lama. No one is off limits to my criticism or championing. If you don't like it - too fucking bad. If you are so inclined to read, feel free to respond or comment.