Happy Anniversary President Cod-Sack

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2003/05/20030501-15.html

If you can read that speech and not get sick to your stomach, you might want to have your head examined. I would like to re-write this speech for President Cod-Sack-o-Shit, and ask that he seriously consider flyin his happy ass back to the USS Abraham Lincoln to fucking apologize! On second thought, maybe swimming would be a better option. He could show up wearin matching American flag speedo and cap. His speech could go a little something like this, in his oh so fake, annoying Texas drawl:

May 1, 2008
OPERATION IRAQI FOREVER THE PRESIDENT:

Thank you all very much. Admiral Kelly, Captain Card, officers and sailors of the USS Abraham Lincoln, my fellow Mericans: I was wrong. Major combat operations in Iraq have not ended. My bad on that whole Mission Accomplished thing! hehe In the battle of Iraq, the United States, now unilaterally, have screwed the pooch, and we find ourselves in a butt-fuck-o-thon - Islamofacist style! hehe (Boos)...I think that's illegal in Texas aint it? hehe...(Louder BOOS)

As for securing and reconstructing that country, Dick says Halliburton is gonna need 100 more years and all your future social security checks to get-r-done. hehe...I just love that Larry the Cable Guy...hehehe...funny fella...hehe

In this battle, we have faught for the cause of liber...ah, shit, who am I kiddin, Dick and Rummy bet me a dollar we couldn't build the case to go to war, fail, not find Osama, and still get re-elected...got the idea from that Nutty Professor - Blues Brother movie...Trading Places I think it's called...I just love that Nutty Professor dude, and the Blues Brothers are just coool man, but not the new Blues Brother, Rosanne's husband, the old Belushi guy that died from nosecandy...so I hear...hehe

Hahaa, anyway, I win copadres, pay up, you owe me dos pesos...that's dollars in Mexican...hehe

This nation thanks all the members of our coalition who helped me win my bet. Much oblige amigos!...that's Texan for thank ya...hehe

We'd like to thank the armed forces of the United Kingdom, Australia, Poland, and the monkeys from Morocco who shared in the hardships of war...those monkeys are so cute...kind of reminds me of Baracky...nice guy, sucks to be him come January though...hehe...Quagmire...Giggity Giggity...hehe...love that Family Guy too.

We thank the citizens of Iraq who welcomed our troops and joined in the liberation of their own country...now we ask you to stop fighting each other, and be one nation, under God, like us, yeah, Jesus is a lot cooler than that Allah guy...but what's this thing about 72 virgins?...hehe...hehe...72, that's the year I went to Mexico, sted a Nam...yeah, a lot less bullets...and better tacos.

Anyways, tonight, I have a special word for Secretary Rumsfeld and Vice President Cheney, WHERE MY MONEY, BITCHES? How bout double or nuttin on Iran? (Boos)

And finally, to the men and women of our armed forces, thank ya for serving our country and our cause, way ta get-r-done...

***SAY REALLY FAST UNDER YOUR BREATH***DON'T READ THIS PART

...oh shit, I don't think I was suppose to read that part...

Sorry we're cutting your pay, canceling, yourbenefits, sending you back for a fifth tour, and also extending your current one, oh, and by the way, you guys that are currently stateside, pack your bags for Tehran.

May God bless you all, and may God continue to bless the United, and ONLY, the United States of Merica! (EAT SHIT AND DIE-randomly shouted from the crowd).

I just knew he couldn't apologize, what an asshole...263 days, 21 hours, 7 minutes, and 39, 38, 37...seconds til the end of the Bush regime!