One Helluva Election Hangover: Thoughts About This Historical Day

The Liberal Armadillo wants to apologize for the lengthy absence. He was just so damn happy and exhausted about the outcomes of November 4th that he had to stop sleeping with his laptop and change the channel to something other than C-SPAN and MSNBC. So he got drunk as shit that night, shed a few tears, slept peaceably, and went on a fuckin well deserved vacation to the beautiful beaches of Mexico with his wife; then spent some time with family, threw Momma Diller a surprise 50th birthday party, and started going back to the gym...hey, what can I say, I was inspired by the message of Change.

But don't you worry, even though the Diller has been on vacation, he has still kept one ear to the political ground, and in the days to come will be rolling out his raw opinions on the new administration. What, did you think the Diller was going to shut his mouth just because we won this mofo. Ha ha, no no, it's time to really get to work bitches. Real change don't mean shit unless we hold feet to the fire...and you can bet your sweet ass the Liberal Armadillo is going to celebrate tonight, but will dust off his bullhorn tomorrow and demand some serious results from the President and Congress. I have a buddy who got denied health insurance today and I aint too happy about it.

Trying not to be too drunk on the optimistic bliss from today's festivities, I think President Obama is the real deal when it comes to leadership and has the opportunity to get some serious shit done. He may not be as far to the "left" as I'd like him to be, but I think to understand politics and be successful in that arena, you cannot be too far to one side or the other; or at least not appear to be.

Listening to his inaugural address today, I was surprised that the lump in my throat and misty eyes turned into sobs of pride and tears of real patriotism. I really didn't think I was going to lose it like that. It will definitely go down in history as on of the best inaugural addresses of all time. And even though it made me cry like a little bitch, as Stephen Colbert would say, "It had Balls". Not only was it a vision for the future of our country, but it was an indictment on the Bush administration's failures and that their day of fascist ideology is over. It was a big fuck you and there's a new sheriff in town to the man who flushed America's reputation as a compassionate, empathetic, moral leader in the world down the shitter...and he was sitting just a few feet away, fucking priceless.

As I watched the Bushes fly away and Cheney roll is sorry ass in a wheelchair (presumably injured from trying to move the man-sized safe...lots of skeletons accumulate in 8 years), I thought of a quote from Sinclair Lewis, "When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross." For the last eight years we as a country have hopefully learned from the truth of Lewis' words. And for at least the next four, maybe eight years, what will be written in our history books as the Bush Doctrine, can sit on its cross and choke on its flag. Change has definitely come to America, and I think 44 is going to surprise a lot of folks, including the Diller. And for the first time in 8 years I feel I can proudly fly the American flag without it being an empty gesture. Q Lee Greenwood!

Yes We Did!

The Liberal Armadillo will be drinking whisky, watching Fox News, and listening to Rush and Hannity all day tomorrow. If you don't hear from me by Thursday, wake up the President Elect!

Top Ten Obama Stiff-Arms

10. The Clintons

9. Tony Rezko

8. Jeremiah Wright

7. "Cling to guns or religion" gaffe

6. Hockey Moms

5. Bill Ayers

4. Joe-the-Plumber

3. Socialist

2. Muslim

1. Race


There are many reasons that Barack Obama will be the 44th president of the United States. I've heard many sore Republicans say it's because of the economy, or because Bush is so unpopular. Some may argue it's because of an unpopular war. Others say it's because of the flawed campaign that McCain has run. These are all legitimate variables that I'm sure have played a part in what I believe will be an overwhelming victory tomorrow. But, something must be said about the campaign that Barack Obama has run.

Watching his campaign I have been amazed. From the massive number of volunteers and field offices, to the size of the crowds and their enthusiasm, to the number of donors and the amount they've raised...their use of the internet and cell phones...it's been absolutely amazing...he has set a new standard for presidential campaigns, and they will never be run the same.

Four years ago we were introduced to an unfamiliar man who gave a moving speech about the division of our country and what "hope" and hard work could bring. Little did we all know he was laying the ground work for a movement that would transcend race and negative politics, and redraw the lines on the electoral map...all the way to a 378 to 160 electoral vote win!

Houston, We Have A Problem!

Let me see if I understand this. We can cast votes from space, but a lot of folks have to wait in line for 10 hours to vote early. Key word being, "early". What's it going to be like on election day?



How is this any different from a poll tax?



Here's an idea, if you've already voted. Go to the polls again and donate water and chairs to help everyone make it to the finish line.



Hang in there folks. Wait all night if necessary.



As important as we say our democracy is, and as much as we shove it down the throats of others, you'd think we would demand a better system. If there is one thing we can all agree on, it's that this whole system is fucked up. Why don't we have a nationalized system of voting? Why don't we have a paper trail in many places? What, did we say, man, that whole Florida thing in 2000 was hard, we had to recount those things for weeks. Let's make it so we don't have to do that again. Why don't we have same day voter registration? Why isn't election day a fucking national holiday?

Whoever the next president is, if they don't do anything else, fix this joke of a process we call democracy!

Up By 3 Touchdowns And Running Up The Score

So much for taking a knee. Obama's 30 minute ad was a brilliantly spent $4 million. At this point, it may not be who wins, but how close the winner will get to 400 electoral votes? And, will McCain lose his own state? While this ad was running last night, McCain and the RNC deployed robo calls in Arizona.

Bringing A Whole New Meaning To The Word, Filibuster

Ted Stevens responded today after being convicted on seven counts of federal corruption charges. This latest ReThuglican scandal brings the Democrats one step closer to the magic 60.



Who needs ethics reform when we have the Tossed-Salad Man?

Sarah Palin Gone Rogue

Is this what they mean when they say that Sarah Palin has gone rogue?

Dyslexics For Obama 08'

This this is no laughing matter. We have to bring the man that did this to poor Ashley (from my hometown College Station) to justice!

Here is a description of the man we are looking for:

Race: Black

Sex: Male

Height: 13' 1"

Weight: 450 lbs

Handy with a knife, possibly a skilled carver. Abnormally large, and strong enough to hold down a 200 lb woman and carefully do his work with the blade. He probably has at least $60 on him because that is what was "stolen" from Ashley...OH MY GOD!...I FOUND HIM...



One last thing...the stupid motherfucker has to be dyslexic! Do you think the "B" stands for Backwards or Bullshit?


UPDATE: To those that busted my balls for stating the obvious, fuck you!

To Ashley Todd: You may be charged with reporting a false crime, but at least you got to talk to both McCain and Palin on the phone. And, I'm certain you earned a spot on Keith Olbermann's Worst Persons tonight. You're parents must be so proud!

To McCain & Palin: I'm just curious. Do you plan on calling Ashley back? It's nice to know that I'm not the only one from College Station making you guys look like asses!

My Ears Are Bleeding

For the love of all that is good in this country, please Senator McCain, I beg you, lock her in a closet until it's time for the concession speech.

Is God Just Fuckin With Me?

I woke up this morning to a surprise that made me burn my tongue on coffee and clintch my chest, but in a good way. My local newspaper, "The Eagle", better known as "The Buzzard", for the first time in its history, endorsed a democrat. A black democrat at that.

Why is this such a god damn miricle? Well, let me give you a little background on the town that I love, but love to hate it's politics. College Station is an awesome place to live. It's got a little something for everyone. It is a college town, so if you're young and single, look no further. But, it's also a great place to raise a family. The schools are excellent, and the people of the community are wonderful. If you're ready to retire, and you have a little money, College Station has some great areas to settle down in. Unfortunately, it's also the home of the George Bush Presidential Library...which was built on top of an old hog farm. When I was a kid we used to hold our noses when we drove by...that is still very amusing to me. Okay, off subject. Although College Station is a great place to live for all age groups, for many years I thought that besides a few family members, I was the only liberal for miles around. Barack Obama's long arm of Hope actually reached all the way to little ol College Station, Texas. The place where a local restaurant on campus sold t-shirts in 2004that displayed an elephant in a Bush shirt butt-fucking a donkey in a Kerry shirt...which doesn't really make sense considering most eveyone here thinks they'll get AIDS if they shake hands with a homosexual.

So I find this crazy news out, pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming, and call my neighbor who supports Obama, and say, "hey, did you hear this shit?" And he say, "I know, Colin Powell's endorsement, awesome, right?" Huh? Looks like I picked the worst Sunday all month to sleep in and miss "Meet The Press".

So I jump online to see what other fun stuff I missed during the Sunday morning talk, and I stumble across MSNBC's Chuck Todd, number guru, fuckin with his 3D map and analyzing the data. McCain has all but conceded the popular vote? Goddammit, my tongue has fucking third degree burns now!

The "L" word is being thrown around quite a bit now, even by conservatives, and with little regard for the fact that there are still more than 2 weeks to go. The McCain camp has all but called Obama a nigger, muslim, gay, terrorist, who preforms abortions, and bites the heads off baby kitties in his spare time. Okay, they haven't actually said that specifically, but they have stoked the fire of hate and many of his supporters are saying that, pretty damn specifically. Despite all that, Obama is pouring money into North and South Dakota, Montana, West Virginia, and now even Georgia and Kentucky. What?

So I switch gears from politics to sports, and watch my Dallas Cowboys get their asses kicked by the St Louis Rams...OH MY GOD!...yesterday Obama had rallys in Kansas City and St Louis where more that 175,000 people showed up. Holy shit, Barack Obama beat the Dallas Cowboys...and their entire roster is voting for him in Nevanda! I've died and gone to heaven.

Later in the afternoon, I turn on CNN and I hear a staggering statistic. In the month of September, a black democrat running for president of the United States raised $150 million and had 632,000 new donors. $150 million in one goddamn month...a month that has only 30 days?

Is this really going to happen...or is God just fuckin with me?

Sometimes A Picture Says It All

This pretty much sums up the final debate...



...and McCain's entire run at the White House.

A Multiple Choice Question

You made your bed old man, now fucking lay in it! You have to almost feel sorry for the guy. But, then I'm reminded of who stoked the coals of this chaotic fire now burning out of control. John McCain and John McCain alone is responsible for the direction and tone of his campaign. Sure, he has about one thousand people in his ear all day every day, but at the end of that fucking day, it's Senator McCain who calls the shots. John McCain choose to empty the clip uncontrollably in the air, and now he's dodging the falling lead rainin on his pathetic comb-over. So, as painful as it is to watch that old bastard be in such an uncomfortable position, it a town hall setting, that he so repeatedly boasted about, I say, you deserve every bit of backlash that you are receiving, Senator McCain...and I hope it ultimately kills your chances at being president. You simply do not deserve the privilege.

I learned a little something this week. Something that I think I already knew, but just had not completely witnessed first hand yet. Liberal politics may be filled with weak punches, pussyish, if you will, but right-winged politics is just fucking evil. Now don't get me wrong. If you've read just a few paragraphs of my past blog entries, you know that I'm all about some dirty tactics to promote some good policy, but there is a line to be drawn, and it is clear that the right-wing of this country has no line.

Let me tell you who I do feel a little sorry for though. People who do actually know a little bit about politics and for whatever fucked up reason think that voting republican is the right thing to do. I'm not talking about "Joe Sixpack" or Psycho bag lady from the video, no, I'm talking about the poor fools that do pick up a newspaper once in a while and watch something other than Fox News and have made the unfortunate, yet independent decision to support McCain. I feel sorry for the dilemma that you SHOULD now be faced with. Do you:

A) Not vote

B) Vote third party

C) Vote for the decent man who you may not completely agree with, but has run his campaign with integrity

or

D) Turn a deaf ear, and vote for a man who has sold his soul to right-winged politics that doesn't give a shit about you, your family, or anyone else in this country

It's a very simple, multiple choice question. One where only one of the answers is completely wrong, two get partial credit, and one...well, one gets extra credit.

You know, Jon Stewart and the folks over at the Daily Show said that it is the "stupid vote" that will decide the election, but I think it's the average conservative voter who actually pays attention that will ultimately decide this election. I hope they make their country proud. They have a 75% chance of getting it right.

Pictures That Make The Liberal Armadillo Want To Punch A CEO In The Face

As the stock market continues to plummet, I'm temporarily calmed by the amusement of Lehman CEO, Richard Fuld, and his run in with a fellow gym member.







"The cost of my desire, sleep now in a fire."

John McCain's Town Hall Blunder in Nashville

So John McCain finally got his chance to shine in a town hall format debate against Barack Obama last night in "The Music City". Yeah, I said debate. If that's what you really want to call it. Hey, Johnny Mav, next time you want to whine and cry about not debating on your home turf, make sure you bring your A game when you do get the opportunity, not your D- game. Holy shit, if that was a peek at what an entire tour of town hall meetings across the country with you and Barack would be like, Texas might be a toss up right now.

McCain's performance was so awkward and pathetic, it isn't even worth dissecting. In fact, those two words sum it up completely. Awkward and Pathetic.

Look on the bright side, John, you get one more crack at it. Fuck it up, and "That One" just might turn the entire country blue.

A Quick Observation About Recent McCain/Palin Politics

It's funny that the two so called, "Mavericks", are so one dimensional when it comes to political strategy. Here we are, 28 days until the election, poll numbers are in the shitter, and while the media and the electorate scream BULLSHIT on their dirty attacks on Obama, McCain and Palin continue to shovel it. Are they really that fucking stupid, or is there something I'm missing?

Stay tuned for post debate analysis

I'm Fuckin Old, But Not As Old As John McCain

The Liberal Armadillo turned 30 today and he's a little drunk and a little depressed about the whole event. He can't sleep and the bar is closed, so here he is at 2 am in a hotel room in Frisco Texas reading stories on CNN about Sarah Palin babbling about Barack Obama havin ties to terrorists, and John McCain retreating to his ranch in Arizona for the weekend. Ahhhh, the silver lining to the dark cloud of aging.

How wonderfully predictable at this point. But, never did I think that we would be at this point in the election. If someone would have told me 9 months ago that in October, the republican's would be taking such an ass woopin that they would have to resort to the fear tactics just to keep their heads above water, and the party leader would be running for cover back to his home state with his tail between his legs like an abused dog that just pissed himself, I'd have said they were fucking delusional.

"Terrorits Ties", "Barack HUSSEIN Obama", "Flag Pins", and "Jeremiah Wright", these are suppose to be the nail in the coffin moves, not the hail mary passes. Right? Here we are, just 4 weeks until the election and Barack Hussein Obama, a black man, is leading the white old dude, John McCain in the polls by as much as 10 points nationally. Several polls that I've seen have him well ahead in key states like Ohio, Florida, North Carilina, Virginia, and Indiana...yes, I said Indiana. Somebody pinch me!

Poor John McCain. That stupid yes man son-of-a-bitch. He allowed that "Maverick" image that he spent his entire career building...well...at least post Keating 5 scandle, get flushed down the toilet because he allowed a few arrogant political strategists, who were sucking at Karl Roves teet, persuade him into running a 2000 and 2004 campaign. Finally, 4 out of 5 Americans think that George W Bush is a sorry cocksucker, and they tried to sell that same tired horse shit to us. Laughable!

While I sit here in my ice cold hotel room, I feel much better about turning 30 now. Maybe, just maybe, if Barack Obama and the new "Mavericks" of political strategy continue to take the dying republican machine to the woodshed, I can sleep well knowing that maybe a better day is coming for not only me and the American people, but for my unborn children and grandchildren. I wonder if the mistakes he has made even cross McCain's mind. I wonder if he realizes what he has done to not only his campaign, but possibly to his entire party. Yes, getting old sucks, but the future may just look a little brighter. Here's to turning 30 years young, and to the old fart John McCain for fuckin himself in the ass!

Last day for voter registration is Monday, October 6th. Get off your ass if you aren't already registered. Happy Birthday to me!

The Bleeding Has Stopped, But Death Is Likely

Have you ever seen a war movie where Johnny soldier takes one in the jugular or the gut and the medic plugs the hole with his finger? That pretty much sums up the Biden/Palin debate. Palin's performance may have stopped some of the bleeding, but unfortunately for her and her party, she's goin home in a pine box. Now I'll be honest, I'm not completely certain how "Joe Sixpack" saw this debate. I suppose the results will hit before I finish this blog entry. But, to the trained ear, as we say in football lingo, she overthrew her receiver by a mile. Sure, she came out swingin. She may have, for a moment, made us think that she was going to actually be able to seem knowlegable about the issues. But, it didn't take long for her to become completely trans-fuckin-parent.

Seriously, what are the McCain advisors thinking? They would have done better staging a Palin motorcade accident on the way to the debate than what they came up with tonight. I will try, for just a minute, to put myself in the shoes of her advisors. "Listen, Sarah, be yourself, but don't try to be yourself." Maybe they said that, but clearly she didn't understand...and should they be surprised? Could she have tried any harder to be average "hocky mom" dumbass? "Say it ain't so, Joe." ?? "Doggonnit" ?? Her tone couldn't have been more scripted and fake. I'm glad the media, yes, even the republican pundits, are picking up on her "folksy" vocabulary and how phony it was. "McCain's a Maverick and I'll be glad ta join em in tha White House." Jesus motherfuckin Christ. Gag me with a hocky stick! This strategy was as weak as my 401K. Who the fuck did her advisors think they were going to appeal to? More of the base? The "Joe Sixpacks" that already have this riDICKulous love affair with the "Baracuda" are already bagged. Why didn't they go after this 9 to 15% of undecided voters? They already have a horrible opinion of her. Why not try and change their minds and ease their fears? Are we seeing old, out of touch campaign strategists that are still running the Wing T, when clearly the 5 Wide, no huddle is what now wins championships?

Palin seemed to have two goals; one that didn't really resonate, and one that probably did well for some undecideds, but probably wasn't recognized on what it turly was for most. The first was her attempt to drive a wedge between Obama and Biden. She seemed to bring up on several occasions that Biden disagreed on many issues with Obama. That was a theme of the McCain campaign shortly after Biden was announced as VP candidate. It didn't really resonate back then, and I think it was a mistake to spend so much time on it now. The second goal she seemed to try and reach was stealing the liberal/progressive message as often as she could. For example, on the economy, all of a sudden a conservative supports regulation and oversight? What? Are you shittin me? All of a sudden a conservative wants to blame the sub-prime mortgage crisis on predatory lending? You sorry, lyin, bitch! You sorry bastards have always been for less regulation and the free market will fix itself, right? Watching the CNN coverage, with their undecided mood buttons, they seemed to like her liberal/progressive responses. She may have scored some points on this. Biden should have acknowledged that, and asked her to come on over to the Obama ticket since she sounded so much like a nasty libersl. That would have put her in her place real quick from the start.

As the results of the opinion polls come in, it seems that Biden is the clear winner. That's about where I stand. CNN reports 51% Biden to 36% Palin. 87% say that Biden is qualified to assume the presendency, to Palin's 42%. However, it is clear that Palin exceeded expectations. Hey, she didn't fall of the stage. She was able to put together sentences better than her interview with Couric and Gibson. Jesus fuckin Christ, I hope so. Debate camp with Rick Davis paid off a bit. Regardless, I think it is still obvious that she has no business as the running mate of John McCain. It is unforgivable that John McCain choose this dumb fuck as his VP. Let me be clear. John McCain has told the American people this: If I die, this is who I trust to lead our country through some of our most difficult times. This is who I think is the most knowledgeable to be president and will do the best job. John McCain is completely irresponsible and this is un-Fuckin-forgivable. I challenge anyone, anyone, to make a case for Sarah Palin. You know, all the pundits said before their were any VP nominees, that they simply don't change the game much at all. Well, maybe, for the first time in our history, we've seen the VP choice that completely killed a pary's chance of taking the White House. Thank you. John McCain.

A word on Biden's performance: He was definitely a second half man. He didn't get into a groove until the second half of the debate. His best moment was when Gwen asked what their Achilles heel was. Palin didn't really answer the question, much like she did for most of the night. Biden responded as follows:

You're very kind suggesting my only Achilles Heel is my lack of discipline.

Others talk about my excessive passion. I'm not going to change. I have 35 years in public office. People can judge who I am. I haven't changed in that time.

And, by the way, a record of change -- I will place my record and Barack's record against John McCain's or anyone else in terms of fundamental accomplishments. Wrote the crime bill, put 100,000 cops on the street, wrote the Violence Against Women Act, which John McCain voted against both of them, was the catalyst to change the circumstance in Bosnia, led by President Clinton, obviously.

Look, I understand what it's like to be a single parent. When my wife and daughter died and my two sons were gravely injured, I understand what it's like as a parent to wonder what it's like if your kid's going to make it.

I understand what it's like to sit around the kitchen table with a father who says, "I've got to leave, champ, because there's no jobs here. I got to head down to Wilmington. And when we get enough money, honey, we'll bring you down."

I understand what it's like. I'm much better off than almost all Americans now. I get a good salary with the United States Senate. I live in a beautiful house that's my total investment that I have. So I -- I am much better off now.

But the notion that somehow, because I'm a man, I don't know what it's like to raise two kids alone, I don't know what it's like to have a child you're not sure is going to -- is going to make it -- I understand.

I understand, as well as, with all due respect, the governor or anybody else, what it's like for those people sitting around that kitchen table. And guess what? They're looking for help. They're looking for help. They're not looking for more of the same.

Joe showed genuine emotion, but held it together enough to not make a scene. It was real and it reminded folks that his story is far more impressive than hers. Joe's wife and infant daughter died in a car accident shortly after he was elected to the Senate. After almost opting not to serve, his family convinced him to represent Delaware; Joe took the oath of office by his son's bedside who were injured in the accident. Biden vowed to serve his country and still raise his sons. Instead of moving to Washington DC, he took the Amtrack train home every night to Delaware to be home with his sons. He still comes home every night to this day. Joe got a little choked up when he breifly talked about this. He effectively trumped any sympqthy Palin may have been receiving for being the poor hocky mom with Downs Syndrome.



Okay, so I've rambled about this longer than Larry King. Yes, I'm drunk. What are you going to do? When you play a drinking game where the only rule is to drink when you hear the word Maverick, bad things happen. When you don't have to be at the office in the morning, worse things happen. Conclusion: Palin didn't fool many people at all; especially the "on the fence voters". She may have plugged the hole, but give this campaign some morphine. It's bleeding out, and it's only a matter of time. November 4th, to be exact.

I Rest My Case

Like I said Joe, show this bitch how to debate.

Free Advice to Joe Biden

Dear Senator Biden,

I know that your advisors have thoroughly prepped you on the approach to take with your debate against Palin. I'm sure it's a cautious one. They have probably told you that you can't be the bully and you can't shoot from the hip like you have in the past. Well, I say fuck that. Don't cut this bitch any slack whatsoever. The expectations for Palin have sunk so low that as long as she doesn't fall off the god damn stage it will be a success. You can't let her off that easy.

Let's be honest, this slut couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heal, and you have to highlight that. If you don't, you'll be sorry...and I'll be fucking angry. The voters are not going to feel sorry for her if you hammer the shit out of her stupidity. The ones that matter anyway. In the last few weeks her stock has dropped faster than AIG.

You have to act shocked that someone can be so retarded and be running for the second highest office in the land. Don't hesitate to throw in a joke comparing her ignorance to Bush's...or better yet, worse...which I didn't think was possible. You have a free pass to do that now seems how Bush's approval rating is the lowest in history. Remind everyone that McCain's judgement is unforgivable. This should be a fucking cake walk for you.



Whatever you do, don't turn into a pussy and go easy on her. If you do, it will be fake and you'll be a joke. Don't forget, Obama picked you for a reason. You're the veteran he brought in to help close the deal with some hard punches. So, don't just win the debate, run up the fucking score.

Sincerely Pissed Off At All The Fucktardary,

The Liberal Armadillo

P.S. Post debate analysis on Friday.

Palinful To Watch

Sorry for the breif hiatus folks. I temporarily suspended my blog to deal with the economic crisis. Turns out, Grampa McCain beat me to it. I'm so glad he handled that for us. What a fucking joke.

Speaking of jokes, have you heard the one about the Alaskan Governor? No, she opened her mouth. Wow, I didn't know George W Bush had a long lost little sister. Who knew Babbs was fuckin an Eskimo on the side?

Okay, look, let's be serious for a second. This Palin thing has turned into nothing more than a god damn political side show. It's almost not funny anymore. Seriously, have you see this? ...and she answered those questions with fucking notes. That is just Palinful to listen to. Great, first it was Johnny with his senior moments, now it's Sarah with her Trig moments. Yeah, I said it! She's a fucking retard. Is this the best the republican party could do? I can honestly say that if Barack Obama had picked a VP candidate this fucking stupid, I'd be working on Nader's campagin again.

So immediately after Sarah Palin's candidacy was announced, the media blitz was on, and there was a flow of information about her past and who she was. It was hard for even someone like me who always has his ear to the political ground to keep up with all the scandals that were brought to the surface. So I decided to do my own research on the Alaskan Governor. It didn't take me long to find actual video from Palin during her beauty pageant days.

The eskimo village in Wasilla is missing their idiot. Will someone please escort her home! I simply cannot watch anymore.

A Question for Conservatives and A Few Other Predictions

I have a question for all those who have ever tried to tell me that economic regulations are the evil liberals trying to take your money and socialize government.

So...how's your portfolios, assholes?



Yeah, I thought so.

Lemme me see if I understand this, you guys want to privatize every last fucking thing in this country, right down to the god damn water we drink, but when the shit hits the fan, all of a sudden you believe in shared responsibility. Wow, the nerve of you assholes is absolutely amazing. Clean up you're own shit, I'm stickin my money in a mattress.

In the last several years, I'd say as early as 2000, I've made many parallels in my political rant and debate to today's economy and the one just before the crash of 1929. I warned that deregulation in the name of the "free market" was foolish and dangerous for us all. I placed equal blame on Reagan, Bush I, Clinton, and Bush II. I was laughed at, even after Enron and World Com. It's not so funny now is it?

So here we are in the middle of the biggest economic downturn since 29' and President Numbnuts says he wants George F Taxpayer to loan him 700 billion dollars for Treasury Secretary, Henry Paulson to distribute how he sees fit, no strings attached, no court involvement. Why, so his buddies on Cheney's secret energy task force don't have to hock their private G5 jets? Ha ha, I don't think so Mr President. Go fuck yourself!

A few predictions:

1. The so called bipartisan support for oversight and transparancy of the bailout I'm sure will fade and instead of learning from the painful lessons of this administration's lies. The wool will again be pulled over the eyes of Congress and they will pass a bill before they recess for the November elections. A watered down version of bill will contain little oversight, if any, and almost no transparancy. I will lose more sleep knowing that my unborn children and grandchildren will be paying for the carelessness and greed of our plutocratic government.

2. The economic meltdown isn't even half over. 25 years of deregulation starting with Reagan, banks and insurance companies inflating other markets, and the financial sector of our economy outgrowing manufacturing has finally caught up with us. It's gonna get ugly, and not for those that make the deals in the board room. We may not be standing in bread lines like they were in the 30s, but let's just say the Starbucks on your corner will probably be boarded up soon. Oh yeah, and a lot of folks are going to lose their homes and even more will lose their jobs.

3. Another terrorist attack is coming. Don't kid yourselves. The Bush administration likes to brag that they have kept us safe because we've given into their demands of fear, but let's get real folks. These crazy fuckers carefully carft their moves and can and will attack us again when their good and damn ready. No democrat or republican can stop that. Unfortunately, I fear that the next attack will be sooner rather than later. It's always best to kick your enemy when their down and I'm sure that's what Al Qaeda is thinking. This won't be on a large scale like 9-11. They will bring it to small town America. It won't be pretty and it will be very sad and it will send our country into more chaos than was caused by that terrible September day. I hope I'm wrong, but I feel it's inevitible.

4. On a more positive note. If Obama does pull this election off, which I think he just might, I think it will be because of two states. Iowa and Colorado...population 2 black people, ironically. I know it's super early for these types of predictions, and I reserve the right to change my mind between now and November 4th, but, Iowa and Colorado just may give Obama a 273 to 265 electoral vote victory over McCain. Nice planning by the DNC on a venue for their convention.

Save your pennies folks, it's gonna be a long winter.

More than 200 years ago a smart man warned us of this debacle.

"If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their money, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them, will deprive the people of their property until their children will wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered."
-Thomas Jefferson 1802

John McCain Thinks You Are Stupid. Are You?

There was a time when I had a few shreds of respect for the so called Maverick, John McCain even though I didn't agree with him most of the time. A lot of that went out the door during this campaign. But, after this ad that he put out this week that he plans on running in all battleground states, they can send that sorry son-of-a-bitch back to The Hanoi Hilton for all I care. I'll pay for his plane ticket.

It's titled, "Education". Well, Mr Maverick, let me educate the folks that you apparently think are stupid. This ad is a flat out bold faced fucking lie! And you know it! With regards to the kindergarteners, this bill was specifically designed to protect kids from sexual predators. It was meant to be age appropriate and educate them on what a good touch and bad touch is. You know, to protect them from the creepy uncle, stranger on the playground, or sick pastor who's been made a monstor by his religion. You motherfuckers made it out like Obama wanted to teach them how to strap on a Jimmy and fuck. What, did you perverse assholes think the daily class schedule was going to be changed to, art and crafts, recess, snack time, and Kamasutra lessons? John McCain, you don't deserve to wear your flag pin! You and your campaign advisors are a bunch of sorry pieces of shit!

Alan Keyes tried to bring this same right-winged fearmongering garbage up when he was running against Obama for a senate seat in 2006. Here is Obama's response to Keyes in an October 2004 debate.

Obama: We have a existing law that mandates sex education in the schools. We want to make sure that it's medically accurate and age-appropriate. Now, I'll give you an example, because I have a six-year-old daughter and a three-year-old daughter, and one of the things my wife and I talked to our daughter about is the possibility of somebody touching them inappropriately, and what that might mean. And that was included specifically in the law, so that kindergarteners are able to exercise some possible protection against abuse, because I have family members as well as friends who suffered abuse at that age. So, that's the kind of stuff that I was talking about in that piece of legislation.

Sounds like a smart father to me. One I'd take comfort in having help educate my children. So what does this mean Mr Maverick? You support sexual predators! An even better question might be, are you a sexual predator? You sure like you're bueaty queens and sexist jokes about rape. Barack Obama, wrong for your family? John McCain, you couldn't even keep your dick in your pants when you were married to your first wife. You don't support any family values, so where the fuck do you get off trying to paint a good man as wrong for American families?

It's not even worth mentioning that this bill never became law, is it John? You called it one of Obama's accomplishments, but in fact, it only made it through committee and never saw the light of the senate floor.

This ad is a sack of rotten asshole lies. You should hang your head in shame for stooping to this level of gutter politics. You are no longer a loyal American in my eyes. And if anyone, anyone at all was even thinking about voting for you, they should reconsider because of this ad alone. I will remind everyone I talk to about what this says about your character. You are a sick, twisted, horrible human being that doesn't deserve to be branded a patriot, maverick, or anything else you decide to label yourself as. If there is a hell sir, you will rot there. Obama 08, I'm out!

It's Time to Put Down the Pit Bull, Lipstick and All

When my wife and I got our two spoiled ass dogs, we decided to rescue them from the animal shelter. While looking at all the pinned up dogs, I noticed that there was one section of the kennel that was off limits. It housed the agressive dogs that were mostly pit bulls. I asked one of the volunteers what they did with the agressive dogs and she said that they were euthanized. She went on to say that they euthanized all pit bulls because they are a danger to, well, everyone. Just like the pit bulls, the Sarah Palin story is becoming a danger to this presidential campaign. Larry King just tried to describe Sarah Palin as a "phenomenon". I think Larry's suspenders are cutting off the blood flow to his brain. This story is a phenomenon. A story that needs to be euthanized, lipstick and all.

I'm sensing a panic among the Obama surrogates and possibly even the Obama camp. Let's put things into perspective for a second. After both conventions the bumps were pretty much a wash. The McCain/Palin ticket may have netted a point or two and a little more media attention. Beyond that we're exactly where we were pre convention - the same damn place, dead even.

Let's use the sports analogy again. Right now the republicans are on their home turf in that they are playing the personal game. The democrats have a pathetic record at the personal game. Why? Because the republicans throw more and harder political punches, and the democrats are a bunch of cry baby pussies. The Obama campaign has already decided that they will not go too negative and stick to the issues, but amist the Palin panic they are starting to stray from the strategy. You can hear it in the stump speeches. In one day both Obama and Biden have stumbled over their tongues trying to punch back at Palin. Obama with the pig/lipstick reference, and Biden with the special needs reference. Get back on message guys. Stick to the issues. Play some defense for fucksake. The debates are just around the corner. The issues will be back at the forefront soon and then you're playin on your home field again. Leave the heavy hitting to me and the other liberal bloggers. We got this one. Sometimes you have to do what is necessary to a rabid pit bull. Shoot the motherfucker between the eyes. (figuratively, not literally) Let's start with this Pit Bull Palin! Thanks to you know who for the link!

Oh, and to the Obama supporters on my email lists who keep crying when your fellow supporters go negative on the enemy, quit acting like a bunch of bitches and sack up. If you don't start fighting you're going to get what you deserve - a McCain/Palin administration.

Oh My God I Need A Red Bull

Last night Sarah Palin gave us all blue balls, but at least we got all hot and bothered. Tonight, an 8 ball couldn't keep us awake through John McCain's speech. I need a Red Bull! Thank God for the protesters! I was almost asleep before that outburst. Speaking of, we should seriously consider recruiting those Code Pink ladies to the CIA. They go undercover like Jack Bauer for a protest.

Holy shit McCain has the pulse of Bob Dole. I know the strategy must have been to tone it down to try and appeal to swing and undecided voters, but shit, that was just pathetic. I definitely wasn't in the mood for Grandpa's lecture. I don't think the rest of the country was either. Boring contridictions and pats on the back about his service. Same ol same ol blah blah blah.

A word about the RNC theme, "Country First".

"You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it." Malcom X

Bye, republicans. Have a safe trip home...oh, and make sure you go to the bathroom before you head to the airport. I hear Larry Craig still hangs out there.

Blue Balls Across America

For the moment, Sarah Palin has lured some of the far right base back to the McCain ticket. While the typical white, well off, religious, nutzoids at the convention convulsed on the floor of the Xcel Center with multiple orgasms over Palin's speech, I think the rest of the electorate is sitting on the couch at home with blue balls. I find it very desperate that the republicans took the media frenzy generated by the unknown and scandalous Sarah Palin to appeal only to their base. She had a perfect opportunity to talk about substantive issues and appeal to the swing and undecided voters. Instead, she took a page out of the 2004 election playbook, tarnished her golden hockey mom image, and aligned the campaign even more with the current administration. Palin has now become a target as big as, "the great state of Alaska" - one that even the democrats can't miss. Welcome to the fight, sweetheart.

Clearly this speech was drafted by spawns of Rove and Bush advisors. It was jammed packed with fear tactics, whining sarcasm, smug jabs, and pandering to the ignorant religious right. McCain has caved once again to the gang rape of Bush's cronies - submitting like a Fish in the big house. He allowed them to influence his VP choice, now they are drafting his speeches, and as a result he has completely lost his "Maverick" image. He is no longer unofficially, but officially, John McBush. If he keeps this up, not only will he lose this election, but he will lose the ability to control his own farts. Luckily for us, John McCain was a much stronger POW than John McBush is a candidate. Maybe Mike Murphy and Peggy Noonan were right about it being "over".

Rudy, Get Some New Material

Is there anyone else who wishes Rudy Giuliani was on the 95th floor of Tower 1 of the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001? What a fearmongering cocksucker. Hey Rudy, your catch phrases are all played out buddy. Let's make a list for Rudy so he can make sure his speech editors cross them out from now on.

1. 9-11, 911, September 11th, or any other variation.

2. Islamofascist

3. Jihadist or Jihad

4. Extremist

5. Fundamentalism

6. Terror or Terrorist

7. Osama Bin Laden

8. Did I mention 9-11

9. Troops

10. And last but certainly not least, 9-11

Rudy can take his empty gestures and red, white, and blue fear flag and shove it up his ass...sideways!

Lieberman Is a Giant Douche!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJTJbqKuDDM

Soooo who was the guy we saw speak last night at the RNC? Oh Yes, Joe Lieberman the giant douche!

...more later on Palin's speech.

...And Now It Floods

So the picture perfect family of the republican VP nominee turns out to have a 17 year old daughter that is five months pregnant. So what! Believe me, us real liberals don't give a flying fuck. We don't judge or attempt to play politics with shit like this. I suppose that's why we've been losing for so long. However, The Family Research Council seems to think that Bristol Palin's decision to have her baby and marry the father, is the "pro-life choice". Tony Perkins of Family Research Council suggests that, "The fact that people will criticize her for this shows the astounding extent to which the secular critics of the pro-life movement just don't get it." Fuck you Mr Perkins! We are the ones that don't judge. All of a sudden you fucktards come to the rescue of poor Governor Palin's personal issues. Why aren't you critical of them just like you are everyone else? If it was a liberal in this situation, Family Research Council would be up in arms screamin bloody murder. No one worth listening to is going to criticize Governor Palin for this. The fact that you religious fanatics are even bringing it up to give praise is deplorable. You should be ashamed.

It's down right sick the way the Christian conservatives and the McCain campaign are spinning this. Even her own parents insist that her decision to keep her baby and marry the father is important and makes them proud. Well no fuckin shit. Does that really need to be emphasized in this election? Like us liberals who are pro choice are all sad because she didn't choose to have an abortion. Yep, that's what we do, have big abortion parties! Ever play pin the tale on the fetus? Gimmie a fuckin break! These people are so out of touch with reality it's just plain sad.

What is even more infuriating is these same pro-lifers, at least the vast majority of the ones I've talked to, support abstinence only programs but not sex education, think making contraception easily available promotes fornication, and refuse to talk to their kids about sex because it's "dirty". What's funny is that most of those people forget that they sucked a few or played just the tip with several partners before they got married and became judgmental, bible thumpers. Talk about the true metaphorical definition of elitist!

I want to clear something up once and for all for the holier than thou pro lifers. NO ONE IS FOR ABORTION YOU STUPID FUCKS! I want to slap the piss out of those that think being pro choice means that you are pro abortion. I mean seriously folks, it's amazing those people can even wipe their own asses without getting it all over themselves.

No Mr Perkins, it's not the other side that is going to judge and hold this issue against Governor Palin. It's the quiet extremists of your own congregation that are going to look down their noses and turn off the TV coverage of the RNC, and very possibly stay home on election day. Nice try you bunch of freaks. The political establishment of the conservative base may be putting up a media front that this whole baby thing is a rallying cry for Christian values, but sorry to piss on your fire, the levies have broken and it's flooding in St Paul.

When It Rains, It Pours...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohxdvio9n2Q

God does have a sense of humor, aye Stuwart?

In the silently still air of the eye of Gustav, the future of the McCain/Palin campaign may hang in the balance. At the mouth of the mighty Mississippi, millions flee as a hurricane, possibly stronger than Katrina, bears down on its shores. Still recovering from the wreckage of three years ago, the people of New Orleans and most of the Gulf Coast prepare for the worst. Meanwhile, 2,300 miles up river, the GOP is gearing up for a shmooze fest to celebrate the nomination of John McMILF - fittingly enough on the three year anniversary of John McCain and George W Bush's birthday cake celebration of Katrina.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRar6yKZE8g&eurl=http://www.seattlepoliticore.org/2008/05/13/mccains-birthday-celebration-gone-wrong/

Every once in a while justice is served on assholes. I will say this though, I bet John McCain and his advisors did breath a sigh of relirf that Bush and Cheney were able to conveniently sneak out of their speeches scheduled at the RNC; a small yet insignificant opportunity to distance himself from the president. So not only does the RNC have to try and measure up to the DNC spectacle and speech of the century, they now have to deal with the reminder that, "George W Bush doesn't care about black people." - as Kanye West so bluntly put it.



So how will they try to spin this for damage control? We'll probably see a shortened convention with a Jerry Lewis type telethon with Laura Bush and Cindy McCain as the MCs. Unfortunately, the RNC is in between a sandbag and a category 5. The majority of the voters are going to see right through republican politicians trying to act like they give a shit. It will be about as ackward and pathetic as Al Gore sticking his tongue down Tippers throat in an effort to display some family intimacy that didn't involve an intern, a blowjob, and a cigar (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-ex3JFw6yc). It will be painful to watch. But I will push through the pain...and try like hell to hold back the laughter. When it rains, it pours.

Move Over Cindy, Daddy's Got a New Beauty Queen

So let me get this straight, Obama laid out several important criteria for picking his VP nominee.

1. Is that person ready to be president if necessary?

2. Is that person in touch with the tough economic times that the average American family is experiencing?

3. He wanted someone who was bold enough to challenge him. He was quoted as saying, "I want somebody who is going to challenge my thinking and not simply be a yes person when it comes to policy-making." In my opinion, this is what makes a truly great leader.

McCain on the other hand, needed only one qualification in his VP nominee.

1. Is she fuckable?

Judging from McCain's constant downward gaze during Palin's acceptance speech today, of those 18 million cracks, hers was the only one he couldn't keep his eyes off of. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2i_sn9HFNc

McCain said of Palin, "She's not from these parts and she's not from Washington, but when you get to know her, you're going to be as impressed as I am." Is he fucking kidding? When exactly did he, "get to know her"? In the car on the way from the hotel to the rally? Before Thursday when he offered her the VP spot, he had only met her once. They were introduced at a 2006 Republican Governors Association meeting. I guess you can call this a political one night stand. The real question is, will McCain wake up on November 5th in his own wet spot of defeat, and realized that he picked up the wrong running mate while wearing beer goggles? I say yes. McCain sure likes those beauty contests. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4RTlfRYLxA

However, when all the erections finally go limp, at the end of the day, there won't be enough Viagra to hide the fact that people will cringe at the idea of a 44 year old "hockey mom" governor of Alaska, going toe to toe with Putin, Ahmadinejad, and Kim Jon-il in the likely event that the 72 year old Grandpa of a president can't fulfill his duties. Even her story, her hunting trips with daddy, and being able to bait her own hooks, won't save her from criticism by the conservative base. But hey, who am I to judge? According to Steve Doocy over at Fox News, she has more foreign relations experience than Obama because Alaska is close to Russia. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWGS73v4_k) Really?

The argument of who is and who isn't qualified to be president is now firmly in the hands of the Obama camp. That is suppose to be the theme of the entire convention next week. So unless Sarah and Cindy pull out a "Miss Buffalo Chip" performance in their speeches, and show their tits, as so many of my conservative friends would love, this is not going to be much of a vote getter. She will forever be the GILF that got away. http://www.cafepress.com/cp/moredetails.aspx?showBleed=false&ProductNo=137140744&colorNo=0&pr=F

Thanks for thinkin with your dick, Johnny! Romney was your only choice.

Free Advice to the Obama/Biden Campaign In Response to Palin Announcement

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk20IySDwhw

You're welcome!

Biden Is the Right Choice and Who Will McCain Pick?

The is no question in my mind that Joe Biden is the right choice as VP nominee. It was solitified as the DNC adjourned tonight following Biden's speech. After listening to one of the other finalist earlier in the night, Evan Bayh, who didn't have a pulse, one would have to wonder how hard of a decision it really was for Obama.

I've been listening to the callers on CSPAN for the last thirty minitues, and I think it is safe to say that most of the Hillary supporters can and will live with Biden as VP. It's hard to back away from a guy with his story and carisma. Those that continue to bitch about Hillary either losing the nomination or not getting choosen as the VP nominee, will soon be nothing more than a sideshow.

If the McCain camp is smart, they will drop the Hillary angle. I don't think it's gonna stick. If they want to keep this thing close, they have to stay on message about Obama not being experienced or qualified. It's all they have right now.

Moving on to a different subject, The New York Times just reported that John McCain has in fact selected his VP nominee. The finalists are former governor Mitt Romney or Michigan, governor Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota, Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut, and the dark horse, Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson of Texas (her office must love me considering I send her nice little love letters a few times a month, at least). Let's analyze these assholes.

1. Tim Pawlenty - As was Evan Bayh for Obama, Pawlenty, regardless of his qualification, does not go well on a bumpersticker. He is a young unknown governor from a state that even he cannot deliver for McCain. If there was ever any real consideration for this guy as the choice, it's because of his youth. That's about it.

2. Joe Lieberman - I will get drunk and dance in the street naked in mass celebration if McCain picks this guy. This fucking Jew bastard was the first bad decision by Gore in 2000. He's got the pulse of a sloth and he looks like the dad from that old 80s show, Alf (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxyvdBzqOpM&feature=related). The NY Times reported that Karl Rove even called Joe to ask him to take his name out of the running for VP. If McCain has a brain, he will keep Liebermann's name in the running, but only for media attention. On the upside, Lieberdick would be able to help McCain in the area of Mid-East affairs, considering he doesn't know the difference between a Sunni and a Sunnite. I'll be prayin for this one, but I'm not holding my breath.

3. Kay Bailey Hutchinson - If McCain wants to keep the try and still go after some of those lingering moron Hillary diehards, this isn't a bad choice. Word is that the two don't get along well, but everyone knows that doesn't mean shit. Kennedy and LBJ didn't like each other either, and George H W Bush openly criticized Reagan in his autobiography, so this isn't a stretch. She has said that she does not want to be VP and it is likely she wants Rick Perry's chair as governor. Hutchinson would be a surprise, but ultimately could be a good move. Of all the assholes in the running, she worries me the most. Besides, she only had two houses. Romney probably owns them all.

4. Mitt Romney - Thinks we should double the size of Guantanamo. I agree. I have a list a mile long that should be put away for this debacle in Iraq. He was the second horse in the republican race, even though Huckabee did have more delegates because he hung around in the race longer after McCain had it won. It's kind of funny to me. I thought Mitt was going to get the nod ultimately for the republicans, but McCain rallied to win. I'm still not sure how the hell that happened. McCain pulled what we call on the left as, a John Kerry. Romney being the John Edwards for the republicans in 08' if selected. Romney should have been the nominee, but as the republicans tore theirselves apart, McCain came out on top. It must have been his time spent as a POW that got him where he is today. I mean, if McCain wasn't a vet and didn't spend several years being torchured in Vietnam, he wouldn't have such a strong foreign policy resume and of course wouldn't be qualified to be president.

Of all the candidated, Magic Underwear Mitt makes the strongest case on the economy. At least to the numbminded voters. Is there really any other choice besides Romney?

Bill Has Still Got It

Well, it was only about five minutes into his speech that I found myself pantless in my living room. Charmed off by the likes of the greatest politicial of all time, maybe for the last time. Let me be clear, he is not the greatest president, but the greatest politician.

There were a lot of critics about the Clintons speaking on back to back nights at the DNC. I think Bill's speech tonight reminded everyone that not having him speak would have been about as big of a mistake as Monica not washing that blue dress of hers.

Last night Hillary's speech got them on base. Tonight, Bill knocked it out of the park. Was there ever anyone else who could heal the wounds of the Obama vs Clinton sloberknocker? I think there will still be a few of those craybaby Clinton supporters who will continue to sulk and throw a fit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vUUl8RIyjw), but ultimately the Clinton's proved this week at the DNC that they can and will play ball. I think these pundits on TV forget that the "Kitchen Sink" strategy of the Clinton's was in an effort to try and win an election. This notion that they weren't going to kiss and make up is downright stupid. It's like getting caught up in a soap opera or reality show so much that you actually believe the shit.

A year ago, I didn't think it would be this election cycle that the Clinton's would be passing the torch. I am glad that I was wrong. It is no longer the party of the Clinton's. It is now the house of Obama.

Back later with more about Biden's speech.

Dennis Hits the Pipe Before His Speach at DNC 2008

Every wonder what a crazy liberal leprechaun on crack would look like?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BVrqpeNTpI

God, I love that little bastard. Big dick slingin Kucinich is my hero!

I Smell Soiled Magic Underwear

It's humorous to me to listen to the conservative pundits on all of the Sunday morning talk shows, try to spin the Obama campaign attack on John McCain's gaffe about how many houses he owns as a mistake. I say it's about fuckin time the Obama camp threw a haymacker when there was an opening. Kudos to Politico for that jewel. It was perfect timing too, because with the announcement of Joe Biden as Obama's VP nomination, Biden didn't waste any time jumping all over his ol buddy McCain, emphasizing how out of touch he is with the average American.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your kitchen table is like mine. You sit there at night before you put the kids -- after you put the kids to bed and you talk, you talk about what you need. You talk about how much you are worried about being able to pay the bills. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that's not a worry John McCain has to worry about. It's a pretty hard experience. He'll have to figure out which of the seven kitchen tables to sit at. Folks, again, it's not political sloganary when I say we literally can't afford four more years of this non-energy policy written by and for the oil companies, making us more and more dependent from hostile nations on our ability to run this country and literally, not figuratively, literally putting America's security at risk, we can't afford four more years of a foreign policy that has shredded our alliances and sacrificed our moral standing around the world."

Ouch! I laugh at the thought of McCain listening to that speech, hearing that line about his seven kitchen tables, and then soiling his Depends. I'm sure he wasn't the only one with skid marks in his skivies. If I had to put money on it, the McCain camp and all his surrogates are scared shitless about Biden as Obama's wing man. I hope McCain picks ol Mitt Romney as his VP nominee. If he does, I'll be marking my calendar with the date of the VP debate. I'll have a front row seat in front of my big screen, bottle of whisky and a tub of popcorn to see Joe tear Mitt a new one; Magic Underwear and all! Mitt better start counting. I can't wait to hear his response to the same question. I hear the Vegas over/under is 17 1/2.

...oh, and a quick word for all the Hillary Clinton nutzoides I've either heard call in to the Washington Journal or blog about how they are either not voting or voting for McCain because Barack Obama didn't pick her as VP...YOU ARE ALL STUPID STUPID STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS!

Wish In One Hand and Shit In the Other

I heard his name in the news months ago as a VP possibility, but not again until this morning. Chet Edwards, my Congressman, could very well join Obama on the 08' bumpbersticker. From a strategy standpoint, my first thought about Edwards was name association. Edwards as VP? You mean the guy who fucked around on his wife? Something to think about.

However, choosing Chet Edwards as VP nominee could be a genius move. My final two possibilities are Governor Tim Kaine of Virginia and Senator Joe Biden of Delaware. Kaine stays on message of being a Washington outsider and brings a new face to the game, but Biden brings the experience, foreign relations, and tough guy approach. Chet Edwards kind of meets in the middle. He's virtually unknown, even to many in our district. He's relatively young, but he has been around the block a bit. He served in the Texas Senate for 7 years, he has as been serving in the US House since 1990, and even though he is a very moderate dem, this Aggie has a long record of, "Whoop"-In some republican ass. I mean how do you not give a guy some credit for winning and holding a place at the table in a state where liberals are few and far between? Hell, he only lost to Phil Gramm by 115 votes in a primary his first run at Congress. I will admit this though, he is a very conservative democrat. I hold my nose when I pull the lever for this guy. But for Obama, this is about winnin, period.

So, what if the strategy is to choose a VP who is not well known, has some experience but not a fossil either, and is a proven campaigner against republican opposition in conservatively saturated areas, to try and steal the second largest electoral state in the Union? If that is the case, Axelrod and the rest of Obama's advisors have bigger balls than Karl Roves forehead. I've been playing with this interactive electoral map on the Web, and if Obama can somehow steal Texas, he can lose every other close state there will most likely be, including Florida and Ohio. Suck on that Gore and Kerry!

How the fuck could that be possible? I don't fucking know...but, Obama has been a provin-George-wrong-son-of-a-bitch this entire year, so anything is possible. I've seen polls with McCain leading Obama in Texas by as many as 13 points and as litlle as 9. Even if it's in between, it's something that I am sure has crossed the minds of his strategy guys.

Am I thinking of this because I'm a liberal, dreaming a mirage of political victory...maybe? But, as a person who's dream job is a campaign strategist, I would flirt with this idea. It's definitely a dark horse theory. If Chet Edwards is on the ticket, I'll be wishing it leads to the White House...but as my Daddy has told me many times, "Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up the fastest"...I still think it's Biden...Goddammit, where is my fucking text message?

Veepstakes...Cliche, I Know

Obama's running mate, who's it gonna be? I don't fuckin know! Don't worry, I'm gonna make a prediction. But first, lets analize the potentials.

1. Hillary Clinton - No way! I've said it from the start, Obama/Clinton is not a "dream ticket". It's potential fucking desaster is what it is. She, and more so her hubby are too much of a liability. It would just be too pathetic for everyone, myself inculded, to see them in the mix again. It's like watching the Patriots go to the Super Bowl again. Besides, we all know that Bill can't keep it in his pants to save his life. The last thing the Dems need is another sex scandle. Hillary Clinton, Attorney General...since John Edwards spooged away that position.

2. Kathleen Sebelius - The quickest way to lose any of the reasonable Hillary supporters that have decided to hold their nose for Obama, or worse, the ones that will decide to, or ones that will even consider it, is to put a woman on the ticket who's first name isn't Hillary and last name isn't Clinton. I saw her Democratic response to this year's State of the Union Address...mediocre, at best. She would not be good on the stump, and from what I have seen, she can't even make what comes off the teleprompter sound good. Weak choice in my opinion, even though she's loved by some of the democratic pundits, and Wes Clark's secret crush.

3. Evan Bayh - Really? I mean, this guy should be a top choice. He's got rockstar status in Indiana, which could turn into a battleground state, but as stupid as it may sound, Obama/Bayh doesn't mesh good on a yard sign. Also, if I'm Obama's political advisor, I'm reminding him that he was a strong supporter of the Iraq war until 2004, and even attended a Rose Garden ceremony that announced the passage of the joint resolution to authorize it. Reportedly Bush and John McCain personally thanked him for co-sponsoring the legislation...oops! Disqualified! Obama doesn't want to find his veep nominee on stage in a debate responding to questions of why he supported the war and bumped uglies with the Hawks. Not good for poll numbers.

4. Tim Kaine - I'll say maybe. I know, you're probably saying, who? Exactly! One strategy for Obama's veep is to pick an unknown. This may be a good way to go. Obama is the breath of fresh air the Democrats have needed for some time. Bringing a new player in the game...for you sports fans, a Tony Romo if you will, may be a good idea. He might be more that a preseason second halfer and really know how to throw touchdowns...or he might also like to fuck stupid celebrities and fumble routine field goals snaps or throw interceptions in the playoffs...THIS BETTER BE YOUR YEAR ROMO OR I'M OFF THE BANDWAGON! Obama and Kaine are both Harvard Law alums and Kaine was one of Barack's first major endorcements. A Kaine announcement as veep could surprise some folks, but ultimately may be a safe yet solid move, even if he doesn't deliver some of the more competitive rust belt states. Either way, I'd think he would also be at the top of Obama's list for Attorney General.

5. Al Gore - This would definitely be a shocker. It would generate a shit storm of media attention that is already expected for the announcement itself. This could be big enough to carry on through the Republican convention next month. My opinion is that this is the "dream ticket" that Clinton supporters are talking about. Wanna make Florida a battleground state? Here ya go. Hey, and maybe Gore could deliver Tennessee this time. How do you run for president and not win your own fucking state? With all that said, the likelyhood of this ticket is about as likely as McCain resurrecting Reagan to be his veep. Besides, my dad picked this sleeper, and I don't want to listen to him talk shit for the next four years. Oh, and by the way, Gore is already scheduled to speak at the convention next week, same night as Obama, so sorry Pops!

6. Joe Biden - Even though I told someone earlier today, that this was not a strong move, after further thought, I take it back and Obama/Biden is my pick. My argument against it was that his age, experience, and foreign relations record would bring merit to the McCain attack that Obama is too young and inexperienced to be president. When I though about it more, I realized that the answer was right under my nose. This attack is McCain's strongest arguement. It has almost been his entire campaign. There are a lot of folks out there, stupid as they may be, that believe that bullshit. Biden doesn't prove a point to people that are on the fence because of that issue, it calms their fears...and are the winners of political contests not usually just the one's that played on the electorate's fears most effectively? Biden can be what LBJ was for Kennedy. The first qualification of a vice president is can that person be sworn in on Air Force One in the event something tragic happens to the president? Biden passes that test to the lamen, and also eases the fears of those that aren't quite sure about Obama's experience. Bush picked Cheney, so there ya go.

Biden is also very blunt and matter-of-fact, and a pretty skilled debater. I was sad to see him drop out of the presidential race because he actually brought a pulse to the debates. This guy can hold his ground against anyone in politics as far as I'm concerned. Since Obama refuses to hit hard, Biden can do it for him so Barack can keep the positive angle going.

So there you have it. Obama/Biden vs McCain/Romney let the games begin...oh, wait, they started like two fucking years ago. Don't worry, football season is here to help me find balance in life.

Who's The Pussy Now?

As my old roomy would say, Well, Well, Well...

...I saw two speeches tonight. One guy gave his in a packed arena with 20,000 screaming fans like some rock concert, with a reported 15,000 more who couldn't get in waiting outside, and they weren't even serving beer, and at the same venue that will be the site of the "other team's" convention this summer (Ouch!)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXaVFdTA_fU

...the other guy gave his in the Pontchartrain Center with a few stiffs that looked like they were pulled out of a croche convention. Seriously, they were about as enthusiastic as golf announcers.
Where is the Pontchartrain Center you might ask? Well, although located in the pretty middle/lower-class town of Kenner, just a short drive north of the lake is the whitest most wealthy suburbs (that explains the unenthusiastic stiffs) of, let's see, what's that city?...the one where there was that big storm, and all the negros had to sleep and shit in the big football dome because, well, because they weren't white, that, and because the current administration is a bunch of heartless, incompetent fuckheads? Comon, I know this one, the city were you can drink all night, buy Crown at the grocery store, and see boobies for the low low price of plastic beads. Man I sucked at geography! You know, the city that our stupid dick of a president peered out the window of Air Force One to assess the damage, all for a photo-op that Cousin Karl insisted was important, OH, Yeah, that's right, New Orleans!

Honestly, Gramps, I think the lower 9th Ward would have been a more appropriate, moving venue for a speech of this nature on the biggest night thus far for the other party. Who's your campaign manager?

So, these two speeches, one was given by a guy who is going to need a tailor to undo the hem on his pants to keep his balls from showing...and I aint talkin about the senior citizen dealing with gravity issues either. If this isn't what a motherfuckin president should sound like, I'm movin to Canada!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56wBIy8oFTc

...the other speech was given by a guy who can barely read the teleprompter. He must have flunked public speaking. And do you get the feeling you're one of his grandkids when he talks? Oh my Jesus, and the tone of is voice is so, so, fuckin gay. Does this sound presidential?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpQnJfElZvo

Hey, John InSane, your vagina is showing! What are the NASCAR-Gun-Toatin-Jesus voters to do? Well, when there is an Obama/Clinton ticket, there will be plenty of room on the flatbed.

FUCK IT! WE'LL DO IT LIVE! FUCKIN THING, SUCKS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlkXlGeABJY

Wouldn't you pay a pretty penny to be a fly on the wall at the O'Reilly house on nights that Maureen has a headache, or isn't in the mood? Holy shit, and those poor kiddos. Can you imagine what would happen if Bill-O stepped on a jack, or a leggo while walking across the living room floor? Someone call CPS!

Ya think maybe his anger stems from the cathloic priests at Chaminade, the private high school that young Bill-O attended? It's okay Bill, let it out buddy. It wasn't your fault.

I once heard a suggestion that Bill-O deserved to be sodomized with his microphone for the bullshit he spews. Although I completely agree, it seems evident that this has already happened. Well, at least the sodomy part.

Wow, I can't believe it. I almost feel sorry for the guy...oh, wait...I almost forgot, nevermind!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CowWSNO6v30&feature=related

Microphone in the poop shoot, proceed, Father.

Stop Stealing His Catch Phrase

There is nothing more pathetic than a spin off of someone else's successful catch phrase. "Yes, we will! Yes, we will!" Okay, look, shut the fuck up. Yes, you will lose. Listening to Billary's speech tonight, I'm about done with her. Great candidate, wish she wasn't so polarizing, always defended her when warranted, still can be a leader in the party, maybe even a running mate or cabinet member, but hang it up for HowardDeansake! Unless Barack is found tomorrow morning coked up, face down in an alley in downtown Raliegh NC with a dildo that says Fuck America sticking out his ass, he's going to be the nominee...but even if that happens, I think at this point, it can be argued that he could possibly overcome it.

Laura Bush: Your Junta es un Puta

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2008/05/20080505-5.html

Don't ya just love it when politicians use a humanitarian crisis as political leverage? Mmmmm, it's just so... so American. Makes me want to tatoo a flag pin over my heart so my patriotism is never doubted again.

After a horrible cyclone hit Myanmar (Burma) on Saturday, the death toll is now over 22,000, and possibly a million homeless. And wouldn't ya know, between all the decisions of center pieces, brides maids dresses, flower arrangements, and talks withJenna about "becoming a woman" (wink wink), Librarian Laura had enough time to act like she gives a shitabout the people of this tragedy, just before she split for Crawford. Politics as usual, and as only the Bush Administration can do it.

So let me see if I understand this...With sanctions already in place (renewed and tightened in recent months), these haters of freedom, that are controlled by a military junta (government ruled by a committee of military leaders), were lectured by the First Lady of the United States about, "...their failure to meet its people's basic needs." ...and on an internationalstage mind you. WOW! Kudos to President Numb-Nuts for sending his wife to relay that message. What a southern gentleman! And a big fuck you to the people of New Orleans...sinners!

So Myanmar's controlling government is a bunch of nut-jobs. I don't think there is any dispute there. They have held the leader of their pro democracy movement, Aung San Suu Kyi, either in jail or on house arrest for more than a decade and ignored the will of the people. Their human rights record is a D-, at best. But it always comes back to how we deal with wacko governments and the example we set for the rest of the world. I don't know what it looks like to most Americans (if they're even paying attention, American Idol is tonight, Go David Cook! That guy is awesome!), but to the rest of the world it looks like a fat guy dangling a twinkie over a starving kid, teasing em a bit, just before he goes, NAMANANUANUNA, all gone! or, as a co-worker of mine put it, that's like takin a group of kids from Darfur to a buffet with their mouths taped shut.

Does anyone else find it curious that "The Commander Guy" choose to sign H.R. 4286 (Congressional Gold Medal to Aung San Suu Kyi democracy advocate) at the same time that he said this,

"We're prepared to move U.S. Navy assets to help find those who have lost their lives, to help find the missing, to help stabilize the situation. But in order to do so, the military junta must allow our disaster assessment teams into the country,"

Crazy junta or not, if I'm a leader of the Myanmar government, I'm probably thinkin, hmmm, lights are sill out in Iraq, can't flush the toilets there, sewage in the strets, I remember what happend to the brown people in New Orleans...yeah... why don't you sit this one out President Bush. I'd rather ask Bangladesh for help.

Of course it remains to be seen if they will accept our twinkie crumbs or not, but you can count on some serious political expectations from the Bush Administration if they do. Meanwhile, CNN is reporting that, bodies are being dumped in the rivers by survivors in Yangon...

...And to think, if they just wouldn't have sinned so much, God wouldn't have sent that cyclone to show his discontent.

Here's an idea, how about we drop politics on this one. Let's take the lead in building an international aid package, unconditionally. Let me emphasize unconditionally. These people don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. This might be a good time to genuinely show the world, that, as Laura put it, "Americans are a compassionate people."

A final thought about Jeremiah Wright, as only Bill Moyers can give.

As you know, Jeremiah Wright borke his silence last week on Bill Moyers Journal. If you saw the interview, you know it was very different from the two speeches he would give later in front of the National Press Club and the NAACP. I would like to share the opening of Bill Moyers Journal this week, in response to the media frenzy about Jeremiah Wright.
Bill Moyers Journal, Friday, May 2, 2008
I once asked a reporter back from Vietnam, "Who's telling the truth over there?" "Everyone, he said. "Everyone sees what's happening through the lens of their own experience." That's how people see Jeremiah Wright. In my conversation with him on this broadcast a week ago and in his dramatic public appearances since, he revealed himself to be far more complex than the sound bites that propelled him onto the public stage. Over 2000 of you have written me about him, and your opinions vary widely. Some sting: "Jeremiah Wright is nothing more than a race-hustling, American hating radical," one viewer wrote. A "nut case," said another. Others were far more were sympathetic to him.
Many of you have asked for some rational explanation for Wright's transition from reasonable conversation to shocking anger at the National Press Club. A psychologist might pull back some of the layers and see this complicated man more clearly, but I'm not a psychologist. Many black preachers I've known — scholarly, smart, and gentle in person — uncorked fire and brimstone in the pulpit. Of course I've known many white preachers like that, too.
But where I grew up in the south, before the civil rights movement, the pulpit was a safe place for black men to express anger for which they would have been punished anywhere else; a safe place for the fierce thunder of dignity denied, justice delayed. I think I would have been angry if my ancestors had been transported thousands of miles in the hellish hole of a slave ship, then sold at auction, humiliated, whipped, and lynched. Or if my great-great grandfather had been but three-fifths of a person in a constitution that proclaimed, "We the people." Or if my own parents had been subjected to the racial vitriol of Jim Crow, Strom Thurmond, Bull Connor, and Jesse Helms. Even so, the anger of black preachers I've known and heard about and reported on was, for them, very personal and cathartic.
That's not how Jeremiah Wright came across in those sound bites or in his defiant performances this week. What white America is hearing in his most inflammatory words is an attack on the America they cherish and that many of their sons have died for in battle ? forgetting that black Americans have fought and bled beside them, and that Wright himself has a record of honored service in the Navy. Hardly anyone took the "chickens come home to roost" remark to convey the message that intervention in the political battles of other nations is sure to bring retaliation in some form, which is not to justify the particular savagery of 9/11 but to understand that actions have consequences. My friend Bernard Weisberger, the historian, says, yes, people are understandably seething with indignation over Wright's absurd charge that the United States deliberately brought an HIV epidemic into being. But it is a fact, he says, that within living memory the U.S. Public Health Service conducted a study that deliberately deceived black men with syphilis into believing that they were being treated, while actually letting them die for the sake of a scientific test. Does this excuse Wright's anger? His exaggerations or distortions? You'll have to decide or yourself. At least it helps me to understand the why of them.
But in this multimedia age the pulpit isn't only available on Sunday mornings. There's round the clock media — the beast whose hunger is never satisfied, especially for the fast food with emotional content. So the preacher starts with rational discussion and after much prodding throws more and more gasoline on the fire that will eventually consume everything it touches. He had help — people who for their own reasons set out to conflate the man in the pulpit who wasn't running for president with the man in the pew who was.
Behold the double standard: John McCain sought out the endorsement of John Hagee, the war-mongering Catholic-bashing Texas preacher who said the people of New Orleans got what they deserved for their sins. But no one suggests McCain shares Hagee's delusions, or thinks AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuality. Pat Robertson called for the assassination of a foreign head of state and asked God to remove Supreme Court justices, yet he remains a force in the Republican religious right. After 9/11 Jerry Falwell said the attack was God's judgment on America for having been driven out of our schools and the public square, but when McCain goes after the endorsement of the preacher he once condemned as an agent of intolerance, the press gives him a pass.
Jon Stewart recently played a tape from the Nixon White House in which Billy Graham talks in the oval office about how he has friends who are Jewish, but he knows in his heart that they are undermining America. This is crazy; this is wrong -- white preachers are given leeway in politics that others aren't.
Which means it is all about race, isn't it? Wright's offensive opinions and inflammatory appearances are judged differently. He doesn't fire a shot in anger, put a noose around anyone's neck, call for insurrection, or plant a bomb in a church with children in Sunday school. What he does is to speak his mind in a language and style that unsettle some people, and says some things so outlandish and ill-advised that he finally leaves Obama no choice but to end their friendship. We are often exposed us to the corroding acid of the politics of personal destruction, but I've never seen anything like this ? this wrenching break between pastor and parishioner before our very eyes. Both men no doubt will carry the grief to their graves. All the rest of us should hang our heads in shame for letting it come to this in America, where the gluttony of the non-stop media grinder consumes us all and prevents an honest conversation on race. It is the price we are paying for failing to heed the great historian Jacob Burckhardt, who said "beware the terrible simplifiers".

-A-fuckin-men, Bill!